I’ve done a great deal of thinking about this over the last 5 days and I’ve come to realize that in all truth and reality, my very own worst enemy is really myself! I have this knack for making things out to be so much worse than they really are. I overthink absolutely everything, and I do mean, EVERYTHING! You see, I try so hard to do my best at everything I do, that I end up believing that I am a failure at just about all the things I do.
I manage to blame myself if things don’t turn out the way they are “supposed” to. In reality, how are things really supposed to turn out? I know in my thick head that I haven’t got the ultimate control, but that doesn’t stop me from trying to be in control. If something isn’t successful, or rather isn’t as successful as I would like it to be, I immediately blame myself. I imagine that I personally did or said something that caused it to not happen the way I had imagined it should have happened.
This issue is plagues my everyday life. I call this my kryptonite because it causes me to feel very weak. It’s the “what ifs”, the “if onlys” of my small world. If only I had said this, or What if I hadn’t said that, or If only I had thought to do this instead sort of ideas that creep into my brain on a daily basis that cause me so much stress and anxiety.
Just last night, I was telling my husband that I fail at everything I set out to do. I started to cry, per usual. Please understand that I have the world’s most loving an understanding husband. He seems to know just what to say when one of these “failure” moments occurs. He reminded me that I am not a failure and he reminded me of all the wonderful things I am successful at. He reminded me of how hard I work, what a good mother I am, what a good nurse I am, how much my patients and their families love me, how well I write and mostly how much he loves me. He still loves me even when I don’t love myself.
He gives me strength when I can’t find it on my own. He builds my self esteem when I’m busy flushing it down the toilet. He is my strength. He is my anti-kryptonite when I am my very own kryptonite.
This is written as a post for Finish the Sentence Friday. To see what other authors have posted to the page, visit www.FindingNinee.com and read on! This week’s sentence was My kryptonite is… Each week someone chooses a sentence to finish and we write about it! What a blast to think about these topics. Maybe one of these days, I’ll be her cohost! Wouldn’t that be fun! Then maybe I would feel that sense of accomplishment and less like my own kryptonite, at least for that week…