As we headed out to the ocean in the shuttle boat, I was struck by the clear sky, the clean lines of the boats around me, the birds diving into the water for their lunch. Life out here was clearly defined. I was also aware that my own life lacked such clarity in it’s definition, or did it?
When you are on holiday and have the opportunity to let the wind sweep through your hair while the ocean breeze and sun pelt your senses, you have time to take note of things in your life that you normally don’t think about. Okay, well, that’s what I do while also trying to find the dolphins swimming along the boat. I did find the dolphins, by the way.
My life always seems to leave me wanting something else and I always feel less than this or that. I’ve tried to believe I’m just as good and just as worthy, but something always niggles at me and my inner diva deflates yet again.
When I’m on holiday, however, I get to pretend to be the person I try so hard to really be in everyday life. I even tell myself that when I get home I will be this person. Granted, this holiday was a bit bizarre with my trip to the ER and all, but I still long to be her!
I know exactly who she is. She’s really lovely and you’d love her. She’s a lot like me only she is more confident. She’s definitely cute and not as heavy as me. She knows what she wants and gets it once she puts her mind to it. Her kids listen to her and there is so much love in her house. No one ever yells.
Okay, okay. I realise this is my dream but the problem with me is clarity. It’s a clarity of vision sometimes. Other times it’s a clarity of instructions. I do know what I want, but sometimes I get in my own way. I think we all do that from time to time. We muck up our road, so to speak. Of we can keep our clarity of mind, our clarity of heart and our clarity of self and the goodness we all possess inside, that holiday person of our dreams can be a reality.
We have to be clear in our thinking and not muck it up with thoughts of “an I good enough” or “am I enough”. We pay too much attention to what the media tells us and really it’s pure and utter crap. Is your family happy? Well then, you are the person you are meant to be. Just be you and you’re enough.