Watching my son on the hockey rink tonight, I was filled with such love for him. He is such a great kid. I love all my children. I am just at a time in my life where I can really enjoy watching this one grow. He is so full of life and promise. It amazes me so much each day when I listen to him and hear something new that he’s learned.
Just yesterday, I was watching something and on the screen, the actors said something about the French Revolution happening 40 years in the future. My nearly nine year old looked at me and asked me if I knew about the French Revolution. When I said yes, he told me that he did too. He said that he learned about it in that class he hates, Social Studies. I reminded him that Social Studies is cool, it’s really history and history is awesome. Maybe he’ll like it next year.
I remember when his sisters were nearly nine. I was in a different time in my life then, but still enjoyed my time with them, but it was a different time. There were three of them and they are closer in age. The age difference between the girls and the Boy is great and somehow, it just makes things different.
The Boy astounds me everyday, sometimes in a good way, sometimes a funny way and sometimes not such a good way. I worry about him, a lot! I fear for him, for me, really. I can’t imagine my life without him in it. I can’t imagine my life without any of my children in it.
My greatest fear is something happening to my children. All three of my girls have had surgery. Somehow, being a nurse I was alright and calm through those. I know how strong they are. I know that for the most part they make good decisions in life, but I worry about some freak accident taking their life away from them, and from me. I’m not sure I could survive losing my child. And my son? My husband and I only have him. My girls are from my previous marriage. I fear that losing my son would tear my marriage apart. If it didn’t kill me, how could we survive? How would I survive?
I pray everyday for the health and wellness of my family. I know that I can’t focus on the what if’s in this life. If I didn’t have faith that God was a good and loving God, I don’t know what I would do. My family is the most important thing in my life. Losing my mom brought all those thoughts racing home to my heart.
I know that God must have sent Hubs to me to help me keep things logical and sane. Can’t tell you how much that man keeps me grounded. I know that most kids grow up and make a life for themselves and do just fine, but in my career, I’ve seen a great deal. I’ve seen successes, hardships, failures, heartbreaks. The future is not for us to know. All we can do is pray for the best and have faith that everything will turn out. With 4 kids, I just pray I’m not tempting the odds with my sweet little boy. He is the light of my life.
This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. The subject this week was
“One of my biggest fears I ever had to face…”
Feel free to use “One of my fears…” as well.