The Crossroads of Life

Life leads us in many different directions.  Often it’s very difficult to know which road to choose.  I know I certainly have struggled more than my fair share with this problem over the years.  I have also seen my family and friends do the same thing.  Sometimes it’s our jobs that get overwhelming or too stressful.  Sometimes they don’t challenge us enough.  Sometimes we just seek other opportunities.  In those cases, it may be easy to choose which path to take, but more often than not, it is a very difficult choice. In relationships, especially intimate relationships, it’s very difficult to move on when faced with the knowledge that you would be better off either alone or with another person.  These are the crossroads we often face as adults.

In our jobs, we are often comfortable where we are and although we are stressed to the max, the comfort of knowing our job and the expectations associated with it.  We may enjoy the people we work with but not the stress or hours that are required.  Perhaps it’s that we aren’t able to spend that time with our family. Perhaps, we don’t feel challenged enough in our jobs.  I have encountered both of these conundrums in my life.  These crossroads have been very stressful to me as have the search for and learning the new jobs have been stressful, but in the end, I was happy and satisfied that when met with that particular crossroad, I made the choice I did.

Recently, I changed jobs.  I am older than I was when I started my last position as a home health nurse.  I have been a pediatric home health nurse caring for 6-7 patients a day for about 12 or 13 years and absolutely loved it.  The freedom of driving from patient to patient was great.  The independent practice and autonomy was great.  But with all the changes in healthcare, our caseloads and way of doing things was becoming overwhelming to me as well.  I have my children to think about.  I still have children at home and although I have 2 that will be in college in the fall, 2 will still be living at home.  It was time to look for something else.  Something with more regular hours, no holidays, no weekends and no call.  My 14 year old can manage at home just fine, but my 9 year old (as of right now — today is his birthday) deserves to have a mom, a real mom.  I feel like I have robbed him of that for most of his short life because of my job.

I just began my new career as an office nurse in a doctor’s office.  I know this will have it’s own issues, but at the same time, it meets all the criteria.  I am a float nurse for the departments of general and colorectal surgery, specialties and cardiology.  I decide which days I am available to work.  Bonus for my family.  If there is something going on, I just let my manager know I am unavailable to work that day.  Winner, winner, chicken dinner! I am learning the ins and outs of this new position and it will take time.  I worry and stress over wanting to succeed and do a great job.  I am a people pleaser.  It is completely different from the world I come from , but once I am finished with orientation, I think I will be alright.

Crossroads lead to choices.  Relationships bring with them many choices everyday.  If a relationship is a solid one, then the choices are simple.  I was married once before.  When I was faced with my first husband wanting a divorce, I found myself at another crossroad.  What the hell do I do now? How do I manage and go on without him in my life? Sunday would have been our 23rd anniversary.  I stayed at that crossroad, unable to move for 2 years before our divorce was finalized.  I was numb.  I was in pain and I just wanted him to stay and be the husband I needed and the dad to our girls like he always was.  It took the 2 years of realizing that it would never happen.  He was done and eventually, I, too, was done.  We grew very much apart in our marriage.  I can’t say that either of us is to blame although years ago, I did blame him because he left us.  I did that because of the gut wrenching pain I was feeling,not because he actually was in the wrong.  I realize that now.

The important thing about the crossroads in life is this.  When we find ourselves in those crossroads, standing there feeling as if no one cares, we must remember that this life is a journey and God always help guide us.  If we just took some time to think before acting.  Crossroads aren’t there Be kind to others and most important.Be kind to tho u are surrroujy.  So, here endeth stidit tme.

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