The Better Way to Solving Conflict

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Confrontation is not something I enjoy. It’s my nature to avoid it, but sometimes we see a wrong and want to make it right. For instance, if someone you know is going on about a friend of yours and you see this happening but don’t want to get in the middle of it. Well, okay, if it involves my family or friends, I will say something for sure, but wouldn’t it be nice if we knew the best way to say something without offending everyone involved?

In one of my orientation classes we talked about this sort of circumstance in the work setting and how to deal with it. I decided this was something I wanted to share with you. I believe we all have had these experiences where we know we have to confront someone but we imagine how awful it’s going to be. We feet over it and it can cause extreme anxiety. What I learned night help though.

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First, never say anything when you are angry. You know darn well you’ll react to the emotions you are feeling instead of the situation that is upsetting you. Instead, wait until you have calmed down and can think and speak rationally again to the person you wish to confront. This could take days, but it’s better than flying off the handle and reacting to the situation.

Second, speak in first person. Say things like “I feel”, “I am concerned” or “I care”. You don’t want to place blame on the person you’re confronting or they will either shut down or fight back. Nothing calm there.

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You want to compliment the person for the good before you confront the negative issue. This helps with the whole mood of the encounter and keeps things calm. Sandwich the confrontation between compliments. Such as “you do such a great job with… But we have a problem.”  Show concern for why they did what they did by following up with “I’m concerned about you. Can I help” or “tell me what’s going on”.

Speak softly. Position yourself with a open stance and slightly bent forward to be more open and inviting to the person you are confronting. Body language is huge! It’s a lot bigger than what you say. It’s more how it’s said.

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I just found this to be very useful information and wanted to pass it along to all of you! You never know when it may come in handy. Oh. One last thought. People can’t argue with you unless you argue back. A great phrase is “I can see you’re really frustrated about that”. Try it! Let me know how it goes and as always, have a beautiful day.

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