On Pain, Loss, Love and Friendship

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I have to tell you that today has been sort of a tough day for me.  It started out with pain from the old pancreatic cyst, which has filled up with the fluid that was previously drained.  Fun times abound.  No work for me.  I hate more than anything feeling useless, but sometimes you have no other choice but to throw in the towel and say, “whatever”.  So, I texted my manager, yes, texted her, and voila, took something for the pain.  Back to bed. Well, not exactly.  I had to check on my little buddy, Dexter first.

It was odd that my Hubs and I were up and he wasn’t climbing in his cage, but sometimes he will have a bit of a sleep in.  This morning, I looked over, and he was lying flat on his cage floor, barely gasping for breath.  His body was limp.  He was nearly dead.  The tears came to the surface for a fraction of a second before the nurse in me kicked in.  I attempted to revive him.  Yes, I tried my best to give him CPR.  I did get him to breath a couple of times, but his heart never beat again.  He was gone.  My sweet, funny, curious little pal was gone.  Just like that.  No reason that I, in my vast medical knowledge could imagine, at the time, just gone.  Now, I held his limp, lifeless, tiny body in my arms, cradling him like a baby.

Why, Lord, why, did he have to die, too? He was doing so well?  We did everything right! I was careful about his diet, especially after saving him from the metabolic bone disease.  He got his calcium supplements as ordered.  Why? I cried later.  Alone.  I cried a lot today for the loss of such a sweet and innocent little creature that made such an impact on me as well as on my family.  I don’t know if he possibly aspirated on his formula or water, or if he ate something poisonous when he was outside yesterday. I will never know.

I know that most people don’t understand this kind of love because Dexter was a wild animal.  I know wild animals deserve a life in the wild.  We were getting there.  Just yesterday, he finally made it outside and climbed his very first tree.  My daughter, Bug and I were both such proud mamas.  The feeling of being able to help raise one of these little creatures and save them from near death is extraordinary to say the least.  That’s why this hurts so much.  They have such amazing personalities.  Squirrel babies take so much care to raise.  More care is needed to raise them than baby bunnies for certain so you can’t help but become attached.

Regardless, Dexter is gone and he is now, hopefully, in heaven with his brother, Felix and his mother.  Yes, I believe that all animals go to heaven too.  I’m with St. Francis on that one.  He loved all of God’s creatures and so do I.  St. Francis is the patron saint of animals.  He believed that the world was created good and beautiful by God and it was the duty of all creatures to praise God.  He believed that it is man’s duty to be the stewards and protect as well as enjoy God’s creation. Can’t we all just get along?

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I want to touch on something else that goes along with this day.  Since I’ve been blogging, I have extended my family.  Blogging has brought about some friendships that I would never have had the opportunity of having had I not started typing my very first post back in February of this year.  Today has been a very difficult day in losing our little friend and my pain among a couple other minor incidences, but my blogging friends and followers have been so kind and have reached out with such kindness and thoughtful comments that I wanted to say thank you.  I am so grateful for each of you.  You truly have no idea how much I treasure each one of you.  For each visit, for each view, for every like and especially the comments, I treasure them all with my whole heart.  It’s you that makes my day and brings a smile to my face.  I check my stats all the time looking to see who has visited.  I read each of your posts as well.  I try to keep up in between working and writing and kids and pain.  I love each of you for your talents and friendships.  Thank you for making this day and every day much better.

4 thoughts on “On Pain, Loss, Love and Friendship

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