As I Recover

I’ve been out of the loop lately and I apologize for that. Normally, I write every day, sometimes more than once a day. My health has prevented me from doing so recently but this morning, I feel a little better. Just a little bit, but I miss writing. I miss the connection that writing gives me. 

Writing is sort of like breathing to me. I think of things I want to share and I start to type. I often don’t know where I will end up when I begin, but writing soothes my soul. It restores my place in this world. 

I should be sleeping right now, but I can’t find any comfortable spot, and I miss affording my fingers the joy of tapping across the keyboard as they are used to doing when I can’t sleep. The house is quiet and peaceful at this hour. The sun is just trying to keep out from the east to greet this new day. 

I haven’t been able to see too much joy these last few days. I seem to be stuck in a dark place. You see, it’s not that I don’t see the joy at all, it’s that I keep dwelling on the negative bits. It is all caused by my current health which is getting better, but not fast enough for me. This morning, for the first time, I see and feel some of that negativity finally lifting. I’m just so exceedingly tired of being sick. If it hadn’t been for a complication after surgery, I would be just about back to normal now. But that’s not how it happened.

I had my major surgery June 3. I was doing well until I ended up back in hospital with peritonitis, a dangerous abdominal infection, and a drain placement to my belly. The drain hurts more than the original surgery due to where they had to place it, in between my ribs and through cartilage, so it feels like broken ribs. The pain has been excruciating to say the least. 

I will have the drain checked today. U had to have the tubing replaced on it already because it clogged. It has seemed as if nothing can go right with this surgery.  I call myself the problem child. I monitor everything I do from what and when meds are taken to drain amount to how much yogurt I eat, because I also had a wickedly awful thrush in my mouth from one of the powerful antibiotics I’ve been on. 

So, now you will understand where I’ve been. You see I’ve been unable to write very much and writing is my passion. This is the place that I can be myself and express myself as I am and how I feel.  So Thank you to all of you that just happen to read this as well as those of you who look for my posts! I appreciate all of you. Hopefully, I’m on the mend now and can begin to write again more frequently. As for now, I’ll rest and attempt to continue my recuperate. 

Love, Deirdre xx

The Normal Life

If I close my eyes, I think of what a wonderful life I’ve been blessed with. You see, the last few months have been unusually difficult. I keep waiting for the storm clouds to disintegrate and the warm, blue, sunny skies of a normal life to take over. I’m beginning to think that day may never get here, or may never arrive at all.

Six months ago, I lost my beautiful, vibrant and brilliant best friend, my mom. She and I had differences from time to time, but what child doesn’t? We always worked them out.

Just after mom died, dad was misdiagnosed with cancer. Luckily for all of us, he had an abscess that looked like cancer. He healed well with antibiotics. When that was through, dad had a very important eye surgery. He is now able to see where he could not before surgery.

And then there is me. I have been sick since March, Easter week to be precise. I’m still sick, but hoping and praying that the end is near. I’m tired. I’m so tired of the pain. I’m tired of just feeling sort of alright. I am tired of my house and relying on others. I’m tired of new problems cropping up. I’m just so tired.

So when I close my eyes, I imagine myself free from pain, free from my house, usually swimming or running or playing like I did as a kid. I see myself able to focus on life for more than 5 minutes. I want to run outside and play with my kids. I want to take my dogs on a walk. I just want to relish my normal life. The same life I took for granted. I will never take it for granted again. That is a promise after this ordeal.

My home is a sanctuary to me, but now it’s become my prison. It’s become the place I wish I wasn’t. I’m trapped. I can’t enjoy my summer because of how I feel. I couldn’t go swimming, my favorite thing to do, because I have a drain in my belly.

The summer will be over and still won’t be back at the job I love because of this, or so I fear. Will I ever heal? I will, eventually. Right now, though, it’s so difficult. I’ll keep my eyes closed and keep dreaming, perhaps. I’ll dream of ordinary and how in love and miss ordinary.
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Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig!

Alas, my own bed, my own towels, my own pillows. No IVs, no uncomfortable bed or chairs. But, no more room service, no more call-if-you-need-anything.

Still, I am Home again, Home again, Jiggety jig!

There truly is no place quite exactly as comforting as home. Last night, I slept soundly because I knew that my Hubs was by my side, I knew where everyone who lives in my home was and they were all safe and secure.

So now I’ve had my major abdominal surgery but discovered that I had an area of infection inside me that needed to be drained. That was hospitalization 2 which was Sunday through yesterday. 

I now am home with my things of comfort right at me. There is something better than those things though. I have my family here. My husband has been amazing throughout all of this. Anyone who knows him would probably say that they wouldn’t expect anything less from him though. He even went to the pharmacy at 11 PM last night to pick up the medicine for the thrush I now have, thanks to those killer-strong antibiotics! What an amazing man.

My 2 daughters and my son have been at the ready just like my Hubs. They even brought me a small got fudge sundae last night which was so soothing on my side throat. The girls even decided to clean their room. Duh-duh-Dunn… And it’s looking almost inhabitable
again. 

So, as happy as I am to have hospitals around, I sure don’t want to visit another one for a very long time. I want to say a huge thank you too all of the nurses and techs who gave me excellent care, to the fantastic doctors who have me time and the the meds and tests needed to heal, and to the auxiliary staff for all you do each and everyday. Thank you so very much. You are what teamwork should be. You are the faces of the success of your hospital.

Still in Hospital

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Yes, I know you feel neglected. I know that feeling all too well..I promise I’ll be back to drive you mad soon enough. For now, you will just have to look at some old posts.

Please don’t forget me though! I’m just a short time from returning. I just had to fight off a bit of an awful infection first. I’ve a drain in which is terribly terrible but I’ve named him Pablo, to keep my spirits up. I’ll have him about 2 -3 weeks. The site, where my stomach surgery had been 2 weeks before was feeling okay but not like it should, before Pablo.  Now, I’m starting to feel better. At last.

Before Pablo, I was having daily fevers. They weren’t very high fevers, but to this well-seasoned nurse, it was a certain sign that something was amiss and it was most certainly, an infection.

Thank God, for such wonderful inventions and all that we have! I had a CT scan and just like that the infection was found. Now, the not so jolly part. The healing…
It just takes time but it is hard to write while mending. I will be back! Try to keep me back! Until then, my love to you my sweet followers, and to new friends.

Still in Hospital

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Yes, I know you feel neglected. I know that feeling all too well..I promise I’ll be back to drive you mad soon enough. For now, you will just have to look at some old posts.

Please don’t forget me though! I’m just a short time from returning. I just had to fight off a bit of an awful infection first. I’ve a drain in which is terribly terrible but I’ve named him Pablo, to keep my spirits up. I’ll have him about 2 -3 weeks. The site, where my stomach surgery had been 2 weeks before was feeling okay but not like it should, before Pablo.  Now, I’m starting to feel better. At last.

Before Pablo, I was having daily fevers. They weren’t very high fevers, but to this well-seasoned nurse, it was a certain sign that something was amiss and it was most certainly, an infection.

Thank God, for such wonderful inventions and all that we have! I had a CT scan and just like that the infection was found. Now, the not so jolly part. The healing…
It just takes time but it is hard to write while mending. I will be back! Try to keep me back! Until then, my love to you my sweet followers, and to new friends.

The ER, Me, Seriously?

Seriously? I’m back in ER again. This time it’s me. I’m tired of being sick. I want my life back.  I’ve had low grade temps since returning home from the hospital and they just keep getting higher. I’ve had enough.

Last night while feeling absolutely miserable, my temp rose to it’s highest. I can’t tell you how miserable it makes me, but let me tell you, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Chills. Feeling disconnected. Miserable.

I’m thankful for the ER on this Father’s Day and for my love by my side. I’ve had blood cultures drawn, a slew of labs, and a chest XRay done so far. I still have to fill the usual cup of joy. I am getting IV fluids and I’m hooked up to the EKG. Good times abound.

I have the nicest nurse and very attentive doctors so far. My wish is to figure out what is wrong so we can fix this. I know this will pass and that I’m in good hands. Please let it be faster than longer!

Gratefulness for Fathers

I sometimes think what my life would have been like if I had not been adopted.  What would life been like for me if I had remained with my birth mother instead of been adopted by two of the most loving, hardworking parents I have ever known.  Would she have been a single mom raising me without a father in the picture? It could have been that way, but she wasn’t thinking of herself when she signed those papers.  She was only thinking about how much she loved me and couldn’t give me the things she wanted me to have in this life.  One of those things, may have been, a dad.

My dad is a gentle, quiet soul.  He is an Irishman from the old country.  As he ages, he becomes more like my grandfather in many ways.  I was blessed to have my grandparents in my life while they were here.  My grandfather W, died at the tender age of 91 in 1981.  I remember this because I was in 6th grade and I must have had an unusual pained expression on my face instead of my normal smile.  I loved my grandpa and have great memories of him.  He was a peaceful man, like my dad.  Just don’t get them upset.

My dad is very peaceful as well.  He is slow to speak about much of anything, but his mind is always at work.  His hands are always busy and and his heart is always full.  He is one to says very little, but when you get him going, watch out! He can amuse you with many stories and anecdotes from times gone by. I could sit and listen to his stories for hours, even days, if that ever happened!

My father is the most generous man I’ve ever known.  He helps out everyone in need.  If a family member needs something and he can help, he does.  He’s always there to offer advice, but will never give it unsolicited.  If he judges you, he will only tell you if he thinks if will help you.  He and my mom had such a perfect love story.  Some of you have read about their love before.  It was a love that transcended time.  It was a love that began many years ago and drew through 55 years of wedded bliss.   Now, dad is stuck with just us crazy kids, but he’s still the happy person he’s always been.  He always has been able to maintain his composure.  But that’s just my daddy.  I love you to the moon and back daddy.  I just wish I could show you more or tell you more often just how much I appreciate you.

The other most important dad in my life is my Hubs, of course.  He took on this job when I was a single mom with 3 young girls.  Not only that, but although my girls known him for their whole lives, they were a little leery having someone take over their dad’s job.  In time, they grew to love him very much and we have all grown to rely on him in our lives.  When we were young, I used to write in my diary that I would marry him.  I was 12 at the time.  I had the only diary I ever had.  I still have that diary.  I never dreamed that it would take us so long to get married, but I thank God every day that we found each other again.

When I asked this man to just date me, he knew I had baggage.  He knew I was just divorced and that he and I would have to get to really know each other again.  Yes, we had remained friends for 15 years, but it was a very simple, carefree and innocent friendship.  In fact, I was trying to help him date other girls during that time and trying to give him hints and courage to ask them out.  I’ve never been so happy that he didn’t bother, or that they said no.

When he entered our home and my life through marriage, he ultimately changed my world.  There have been times I was not as grateful as I should have been, but those days, luckily, are long gone.  Over the years, he has grown into a man who serves God and his family.  He has stayed up with the kids until way past the bewitching hour to work on projects, he has gone out at strange hours of the night to get some ice cream, chocolate, sanitary pads, school supplies, etc, for all of us.  He is, in one word, amazing.

I couldn’t go through my life without my husband by my side.  My children with grow and start their own lives.  That is what I want for them.  I just need my husband by my side.  He is my everything.  He is the love of my life.

I am so grateful for these two men.  I am filled with thoughts of love when I think of how they have made my life better.  They have shaped my life and given me so much to be grateful for.  They have impacted my children’s lives and made them better people too, even though they may not realize it just yet.  I am truly blessed to have them in my life.

The Oddities in Life

If you look up odd things on a google search, you will find a plethora of some very strange things and some things that are quite ordinary.  I was looking to see if I could find a picture of something odd in order to write a fictional story using that as my prompt.  Instead, of finding what I was looking for, I found crazy things to write about.  Take this picture for example.  How could I even begin to explain this?

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Why would you do this?  If you were hiding from something or someone, I hate to tell you that your bright orange sack of clothing is hanging out the end of the booth.  It just isn’t working for me.  And what is that orange outfit thing?

Here’s another great one.  Great odd jobs.  This is definitely one I would steer clear of.  Why would anyone put themselves into the position of sniffing someone’s armpits? That’s just disgusting.  I  suppose they are  smelling for pheromones or some such silliness, but how gross to have a job of sniffing sweaty pits!!

Then we come to this little odd gem.  Oh yes, I’m certain that some strange individual would love to have a table like this in their boudoir.  I, for one, am not one of them.  I mean, seriously, a table with feet, and socks?  The socks don’t even match.  Well, they sort of match, but really, a table with feet?  Especially not to put my fruit on.  I think the part that makes this table stand out to me in such a yucky way is the fact that it has “legs”.  And only one sock is mismatched.  I mean, if you’re going to make that much of an effort, match the damn socks, people.  That just seems weird to me, but I’m a little odd myself.  

Then we come to the not so very odd pictures found on the odd picture search.  Seriously can’t imagine what they are thinking when they can actually put something as mundane as this next one in the same category as “odd” seeing some of the other finalists.  I haven’t even shown you some of the more risque ones, as I like keeping this blog at least PG in rating.  This is simply an odd apple among the rest.  Poor little apple.  I could help.  I’d eat it and then it wouldn’t be the odd man out anymore.   Problem solved.  Too brutal?  I think not.

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I know you are all pondering what has gotten into me that I would post such ODD nonsense.  Well, I was in the mood to write a really good fictional story and I couldn’t find a picture.  If you find a picture and want me to write a story around it, I would love to.  Or if you have an idea, I’ll use that too.  I guess today, I’m just in an ODD mood.  How about you?  Hope you are enjoying a lovely weekend!

Much Love,

Deirdre xx

 

Saturday Morning Coffee

As We sit down to have our usual, be it coffee or tea this morning, I’ll tell you, it’s been another busy week. Why is this week unusually busy, you ask? Well, I overdid a few things and now I’m paying for them.

I’m supposed to increase my activity slowly, but apparently neither my children nor I know how, exactly to do “relax” very well. I have spent time in the ER with the boy, who is fine, had far day at the high school and various other activities. Yesterday morning I felt pretty darn good.

I wish I could say the same for now. I’ve been running a low grade temp since I got home, but last night it got up to 101 degrees. Don’t worry, the doctor knows and doesn’t want to be called until it reaches 101.5. I expected a slight elevation in my temp, but this is increasing and I’m starting to worry. My surgery was 2 weeks ago so by this time, I should be improving.

In other news, I’m killing ’em with kindness these days and let me tell you, it makes such a difference. I’ve always tried this approach to life but in my recent days, I look for kindness everywhere and spread seeds of kindness where ever I’m at. Kindness is a lifestyle, and I choose kindness. Give it a try. You can’t go wrong!

That’s it for now. Its time for another nap. I’ll see you next week. Have a wonderful weekend!

Love, Deirdre xx

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Kill ’em with Kindness

Have you ever felt awful because of what someone said very nonchalantly? I had that experience yesterday while getting my pedicure. It was a special treat given to me by my dearest friend, T. She picked me up and sped me off for some much needed girl time.

We seemed to wait forever soaking our tootsies in the lovely warm, bubbly water, waiting ever so patiently for someone to start our tropical pedicures. Finally, one of the girls came over, motioned for me to take my right foot out of the water. She took my polish off, did the same with the left foot. But while she did the left foot, quite nonchalantly, she stated, “you did your own polish.” I nodded and said yes. I’m not that frivolous as to spend $33 to have someone polish my toes all the time. It’s a treat! She further went on, “I know. I can tell. You got it all over your cuticles.”

It wasn’t necessarily what she said, but how she said it. It was demeaning. And she only stayed at my foot, yes foot, for a minute more before another client, her client I assume, came and sat down beside me. I was waiting again.

I could have complained about her attitude or her lack of attention for sure. T and I had been waiting there soaking our feet for ages by this time, but I said nothing. Eventually, another lady and a young man came and have the two of us the loveliest tropical pedicures.

What’s my point? Well, my point is simple. What good would have come from raising a fit? Perhaps her client had called for an appointment. We were walking and they were busy. The new lady was as sweet as pie. T and I walked out with beautiful toes and we each got white flowers painted on our big toes to boot! I even tried something I’ve never tried! I have baby blue nails! And they’re really cute! I love them!

Killing people with kindness always works much better than anything else, I find. Let’s all be kind to each other!