Middle Life Moments

This last year and a half has brought about many changes in my life that were unexpected and frightening. Lately, however, I’ve been much more focused on the future than I have been over that time of sadness and stress. It’s such a relief to feel more positive again. More like myself again. 

I’ve been trying desperately to get some extra weight off but my brain and body simply don’t jive at times. I have managed to get rid of 10 pounds successfully but, me being me, I want more gone and I want it gone now already. 

My husband is half heartedly losing and when he tries just a little bit, his success is incredible. My success is so slow and the task seems so arduous at times. I know in order to be a success at anything you must plod along and never give up, so plod along I must.  But ice cream…

It’s the worst downfall I have. That rich, sweet, delectable treat I crave after dinner. I’ve learned to give up a lot just to have my ice cream. But I think we are going to have to break up. I love sweets, but ice cream has become my go to treat. What’s a girl to do?

After having 2 surgeries within 8 months of each other, my stamina has been put to the test. To put it mildly, at first, I got winded walking through my house. I’m getting stronger every day and with that strength, I will be adding some new exercise to my weight loss journey. I walk at lunch when I’m working now, but I’ve slowly build up a little speed. And I mean slow. Next, I’ll be walking my dogs and hopefully adding weights to that soon.

Later this week, you will find me basking in the sun and swimming to my heart’s content. I’ll be leaving my dreary home for some sunny, hot weather. It’s time to pick up dad and drive the snowbird home for the summer. The perk is, swimming in the pool and ocean for me first for a week. The downside is 3 days of driving home but with a great copilot. 

Life is never dull or boring around here. Just a little chaotic sometimes, so I can’t wait to read, relax in the sun and hang out with the world’s greatest dad, mine. See ya’ll soon!

It’s Been A While…

I haven’t written in quite a long time.  In fact, it’s been months.  It’s not that I haven’t had anything to say, but I was in a dark place for the last few months.  Depression is a terrible disease that haunts my life from time to time.  Luckily, there is medication that truly helps me but needs to be adjusted from time to time.  It was past time this particular time.

I have been in the darkness before, but this was the darkest of times.  Never have I contemplated my purpose on this earth or lack thereof.  This time was different. I looked at my family and thought they would be much better without me around.  Still, luckily, I was able to dig my way out and not take any action on these negative and dark thoughts.

The fact that I cried every day just goes along with the depression.  I couldn’t find any joy in life.  I just went through the motions of life without actually living for months.  I found myself trying to find a reason to get out of bed and not being able to most days.  Even leaving my bed to go to the kitchen to find something to eat was more than I could bear some days.  I wouldn’t wish this disease on anyone.

Somehow, by the grace of God, I knew what I had to do, although I had so much self doubt that I didn’t believe anything could draw me out of such a state of despair.  My physician is amazing and luckily, I responded well to the increase in medication.  Some people aren’t so lucky.  Some don’t look for help.  Some take their lives.  I understand now.

 I managed to go to work. My co-workers were not privy to the inner workings of my darkened mind. In fact, I felt better there. I felt more whole and needed but it was so hard to get there each day. 

Depression hurts not only the person suffering from it, but their loved ones too. I know my family were at a loss as to what to do about me. I didn’t know at times. If someone you know suffers from depression,  get them the help they need. Call a doctor. Call a counselor. Call a hot line. Get help before it’s too late. We often won’t tell you how bad it really is.