Good Morning

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Duncan and Ellie (aka Eleanor Rigby)

Good morning and greetings on this crisp, sunny Spring morning.  I’ve just finished my very boring breakfast of a half slice of sourdough toast with the assistance of the fur babies, of course.  How does anyone say no to those liquid brown, or black eyes, looking up at you saying, “Mom, please, just a wee bit of the toast, please.  I promise I’ll be a good puppy”. Well, They got the crust since I’m not a big fan of that particular crust.  Now, if I’d been eating my favorite yogurt, they would have a difficult time convincing me for that bite.  I just wish I had room for my cup of coffee or tea this morning, but apparently that will have to wait for a little bit.

I’m up and dressed and ready for my day, well, as ready as I can be at the moment.  I have to wait for my doctor’s appointment to get here.  That’s the hard part.  The waiting.  I hate waiting like everyone else.  I’m hoping to take a little siesta before I leave, since my appointment isn’t until afternoon. I am finally going to see the GI specialist about my pancreas.  Just to recap, I have had abdominal pain that caused me to go the ER twice.  What was found out at the first ER visit? I have good labs.  Nothing else was really done.  They decided I had some gastritis and a UTI.  I saw my labs and I’m a nurse.  If that’s a UTI, I’m Martha Washington.  That could have been a contaminated specimen, but I took the antibiotics like a good little patient and the pain was okay for a few days.

pancreas

I left town and headed to Florida on my vacation, 1250 miles from home.  Guess what!  The pain came back and I headed to the ER in Naples, Florida.  I have to say, the care I received was terrific.  I actually got something for my pain and tests to find out what was going on.  I’m sure I won’t like my bill when it comes, but to have someone actually tell me, “Yes, you do have something on the head of your pancreas and that’s what is causing your pain” was worth it.  The doctor told me it could be one of three things.  Obviously, I’m rooting for the least problematic, a cyst.  Many people get cysts and never even know it.  So that’s one probability.  The next is a pseudocyst, a little more sinister or the last, but least expected, the big C word, pancreatic cancer.  I highly doubt that it is cancer, but all I can say is that at least this thing is on the head of my pancreas and I had pain.  I could have been that I wouldn’t have had any symptoms at all.

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Best Hubs ever

And now I wait. My labs at both ER’s were good.  No fevers, no pancreatitis, nothing else out of the ordinary.  Just me not being able to eat very much since all this started.  I’m full on very little food.  It’s very strange.  You would think I’d lose weight too, but I haven’t.  I think I look terrible because I’m very tired and that’s not good because I’m supposed to start a new job next week.  But like my husband says, “we have to take care of you first honey.  The job will wait but your health can not.” See, I told you the Hubby was golden.

Stupid pancreas anyway.  So, now you know what’s been going on in my world.  Squirrel rehabbing, hamster raising, children raising, pancreas babysitting, sleeping, me! Now, if only the dogs had thumbs and could cook.  I’d have it made.  They never leave my side. Granted, they’re usually begging for my yogurt. If only they could get it for me though. Ah, just the thought of a well trained dog, but that’s a thought for another day. Have a wonderful day.  And until next time, I bid you joy and peace.

Pain in Paradise

So much pain.
“Follow me” they say.
She does her best to keep up.
She sits, they take blood and insert the IV.

They walk away telling her to stay there for a few minutes.

Back out to the waiting room to wait for a room to become available.
Time to follow them again.

So hard to keep up. They are quick and she hurts. The pain is excruciating.
She does her best to keep up, shuffling along.

She sits on the ER bed. Wow! It’s soft and comfortable. Maybe now she can relax just a little.

But the pain. Sharp, stabbing, radiating into her whole abdomen. She can’t get comfortable. Nothing helps.

More people come in. Time to go to ultrasound. That shouldn’t be bad, she thinks.

Oh, they poke and prod into her ribs, into her abdomen, into the pain. Damn this pain. “Take a deep breath and hold it”, she’s told again and again. She’s told, “stop breathing…now breathe”. The only words from the woman in olive green scrubs with the blonde ponytail. Does she have a name?

In her little room again she finally goes. Her daughter is there at last. Now she’s not alone. Thank God she’s no longer by herself.

Next, vitals. Her nurse is lovely. She’s from Ohio. And her doctor wants a CT scan. They found something on her pancreas. Her heart sinks. She’s now in pain and so frightened.

To CT scan she is whisked away, but after she has pain medication. Ah, pain meds. They hit her head fast and she is somewhere far from here. They could do anything now. She’s sleepy and silly.

She moves to the big slab that enters the donut, aka CT machine. They place her arms above her head. She is comfy! They inject contrast into her veins. The sensation is strangely warming, EVERYWHERE!

In moments she is taken back to her little room to await the results. She is so afraid, but the feeling is overshadowed by goofiness because of the pain medicine.

Her daughter laughs at her antics and asks her questions. She makes a grammatical error and corrects herself which makes her daughter laugh. She puts a tiny rubberband on her nose just because she can. Her daughter takes a picture. Wow!  This stuff is wild! She’s so tired but can’t sleep because the doctor will come in.

He enters the room with news. Pancreatic cyst, pseudocyst or cancer. The question is now where to follow up. She is just here for a week. She will follow up at home.

 The physical pain is gone for now, but has been replaced by emotional pain. She will call her husband. She needs his love and support as much as she needs her daughter’s right now.

With prescriptions in hand, She leaves with her daughter. Shocked and saddened but relieved to have a diagnosis at last. The hurt in her heart is a heavy burden but her family are her strength and will help her see this through.

By Deirdre Conran

This has been updated because I failed miserably with copying and pasting this from my poetry blog! I wanted you to have the actual poem and not what was here which was a mess! Thanks fortaking the time to read it!