A Ripple in Time

Life is funny. I was 16 thirty summers ago. Such a carefree time of my life. I had my first job working as a waitress that summer.

I had always loved everyone I met. I was also the most trusting and naive 16 year old thinking that people were naturally good. The people that. I worked with sprayed me with a hose and dumped me in a fountain just for the hell of it because they were bigger and stronger than me. I also had one of these co-workers keep bugging me for a date regardless of me telling him no repeatedly. That got ugly and I complained to my manager who just sort of laughed it off. Needless to say, I didn’t stay there long.

I learned a lot though, all things being said. I learned to be stronger and how to deal with people very, very different from myself. I learned to be independent and to sort of manage money, well a little bit. I was really good at the spending part. 

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Twenty years ago I was a brand new mom. I was married and was so excited to show off my beautiful baby girl to the world, all nearly 9 pounds. I felt like I had everything I could ever dream of having. A great husband, adorable baby, a home, and I would be starting a new job as an RN. How lucky could a girl be? 

 The summer of 1996 was magical indeed! Nothing could take away that kind of magic. I just wanted to keep that magic going. All the firsts out baby would and was performing. The hours of motherhood were tough, but I was tougher. My world was completely turned upside down by my little sweet bundle! 

All the hopes and dreams that come along with becoming a mother for the first time fueled me. We try not to live our own unseen dreams through our children, but it’s hard not to sometimes. You see so many possibilities in this new life but they become their own individual over time.

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Ten years ago this summer, I married my best friend. Together, we can conquer so much. I told Hubs once that I needed him to be my knight in shining armour. He, very casually, agreed. He is my fearless knight. He took on marriage full steam ahead and never looked back. Not only did he take on marriage to me, but he took on being a stepdad to 3 kids. Brave soul!

We added to our newly formed family the following year with our little bundle of joy, our little 8 pound boy.  I talk about Hubs all the time, but truly we have learned through our own trials and tribulations that marriage is work, very hard work. It’s the work that brings us closer though. I know without a doubt that I could never be who I am now without the unending support of my number one fan, my husband. 

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This summer has had it’s own trials and tribulations. My health over the last few months has been nothing short of mind boggling for me. I’m now finally on the upswing! If I didn’t have my husband and my family, I would have been more depressed than ever. My good friends checked in on me and visited. My support has been outstanding. This is all because of the ripples left behind of things I’ve done, people I’ve met, places I’ve seen.

We all leave ripples in our lives. Wee touch the lives of everyone we meet. It can be good or bad, even indifferent. You never know how the ripple will evolve. 

I married that boyfriend from 30 years ago, but not until 10 years ago. The little baby that changed my life 20 years ago is all grown up and living her own life away from home. She has flown from my coop. Little ripples of life that change your destiny? Sometimes, perhaps. I just like to think of it as God’s plan for us. 

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This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. Our host, Kristi, from findingninee.com came up with this week’s sentence about “ripples”.  Go check out the other great posts!

While I Was Sleeping…

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Dreams are so strange, especially when you are stuck taking pain medication. I’ve just woken up from a dream where I was a waitress and I was working my first day. I went to take my first order and there Sat a gentleman who wanted a fried egg and rice on the side or so I thought I heard. He was rude as one woman screamed in my ear and another man was talking at the same time. I asked him to repeat it amongst the chaos and still heard the same thing. The dream lasted forever with people speaking at me from all sides. When I tried to write his order on my pad, it was a pad of paper that was filled with tiny little bits of paper. I had nowhere to write it down. The rude man in the left was laughing and saying I couldn’t even handle being a waitress. I kept saying but I’m really a registered nurse. I’m helping out in here. He kept laughing and saying more rude things implying I couldn’t be a real nurse either anymore than I was a real waitress. All I can say is thank God I woke up!

The moral to this story? Hell if I know, but, I will tell you I was a waitress as my first job and I tried my best. I was just 16 and wasn’t very good. I tried hard and probably could have done alright eventually. I am grateful to all the wait staff out there. I know what a difficult job it is and I appreciate what they do every day so that I don’t have to cook and I can enjoy a meal out with my family and friends once in a while.

I am also grateful that I make a pretty good nurse. Nursing is a calling and not just anyone can be a great nurse. Thankfully for me, I made the right career choice. It’s a versatile and ever growing field. Of you don’t like where you are, there is always someplace else you will probably fit in.

As I Lay in my Hospital Bed

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My fabulous babies!

Good evening! Salutations to you all! I am starting to feel a little better from surgery last Friday, but I know I have a very long way to go. There is so much work in the department of my health. Of course that can be a very daunting expectation to dwell on, especially if you are in my current state of altered consciousness! Pain medication is my friend!

I worry about going home tomorrow because there are always things to do! There are meals to plan for as well as pleasing everyone. Well, I have help and my help says as do i, like it or lump it! That will be my new mantra I’ve decided. I’m not catering to the masses after this surgery.

I love my family with all my heart. I’m so proud of the fact my oldest came home tonight to care for me me. She washed my face, hair and my back. She went into nurse mode. I’m so proud of her. My second daughter came up earlier and took care of me too with the baby girl of our house. I’m a happy mama knowing that I must be doing something right.

 

And I’m Off…

I don’t have to awake yet. Why am I not asleep! It’s nerves again. I’m nervous that I’m having pain again and surgery isn’t until 6/3! Somehow I’ll manage but why do I have to wait so long, I ask myself.

I also, finally have my computer class today and tomorrow for work. I’ve been waiting for nearly a month! Yes, an entire long and arduous month of waiting for results. A month! If I had opted to have them repeat testing and monitoring the damn thing, It would be time to repeat the follow up on the esophageal ultrasound and biopsy practically after this cyst.

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I’m in the middle of my computer class and it’s hard to stay awake. Its fast-paced and yet a bit boring. Well, not really boring it’s more trying to follow along and less hands on. My old eyes have a hard time adjusting from the screen of the computer to the large screen at the front of the room! It’s early and it’s dark in this room. Help!

I’m excited to have this class at last! It opens up so much more for me and allows me to feel useful at work at last. That is a wonderful feeling! The problem is that there’s so much to learn! Well I have to learn it. I want to learn the software quickly.

I’m such a worrier it drives me crazy. I worry all the time what others will think. I wonder constantly about what people of any influence think of me. I am trying to change this about myself but it’s difficult.

I know this stems from my own self doubt. My low self esteem. That’s where the majority of my issues come from, although I’ve made strides thanks to self kindness and my family. My family helps me face my flaws and I’m learning to be accountable for me. I’m a work in progress but I’m getting there. I’m a much different person than I was this time last year. Thank God for miracles and understanding families!

Happy Nurse’s Week

To all my fellow nurses, Happy Nurse’s week.  For those of you who have been touched by a nurse, tell them how much you appreciate them.  Nurses are, by nature, very caring individuals.  The reason we go into nursing is because we care.  We want to take care of people.  I’ve heard many people over the years say many things about nurses both good and bad, but believe me, we all started our careers caring.  We still care and it’s not about our paycheck that keeps up going to work.

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The future of nursing.

 

To be a nurse, it has been shown that nursing school is one of the most grueling majors in higher education.  I can certainly vouch for that!  It may have been 20 years since I graduated, but let me tell you, it wasn’t easy.  I studied all the time.  I did the eat, sleep, breathe method of studying and anyone who knew me in those years could tell you that’s exactly what I did.  I had no social life because I had a goal.  I wanted to be the best nurse I could be.  I got very good grades and I should have with how hard I studied.  It’s a very rigorous program!  Let’s not forget that once you graduate, you get to pay your state money to take your state boards! Yes, the dreaded, stressful NCLEX examination from hell! I remember taking it and coming back to my mom’s and telling her I failed.  I just knew I did, but I didn’t fail.  I passed first try.  Thank God! The joy of passing was so overwhelming I can’t compare it to anything other than giving birth to your first child!

As I say, I’ve been an RN for 20 years.  I was a CNA before that so nursing has been what I’ve done for 29 years, since I graduated high school.  My first clinical was when I was 17.  Since then, I have seen so much.  I have done so much.  I have worked in nursing homes and loved and lost residents.  I have comforted families.  I have worked in the hospital in many different departments.  I have been part of codes (when you are called to perform CPR on someone in the hospital.  I’ve lost patients.  I’ve comforted patients and families through difficult times.  I’ve worked in home health.  I worked in home health some more.  Now, I’m working in a clinic setting for the first time.  I suppose you could say I’ve done it all.  I love being a nurse.  I still love caring for people. Sometimes though, being a nurse is the hardest job in the world.  It isn’t just about caring for patients or families.  It’s so much more than that.  It’s pleasing everyone.

I have been asked to wear many hats in my career as any nurse has.  We are always having to do more with less time and resources.  It’s just a sign of our times.  Not a particularly good thing if you ask any of us, but as healthcare changes, so must we. Sometimes we get burned out too.  It’s a good nurse that can recognize that she is burned out and needs to change.  The great thing about nursing though, is that you can always find something that is different and challenging to keep your mind and skills fresh.  If you want to slow down, you can switch hours or work per diem.  Nursing is evolving too.  In my new role as a clinic nurse, I am challenged because although my hours are varied (I choose the days I’m available because I work per diem), I work in a float pool and need to know which doctor I’m working for that day.  I have to know how they like things and how their nurse runs things.  I like a good challenge and eventually I hope to be good at this. The downside to this is that I have no permanent home in the clinic, but that is okay, too.

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Lori, LaVonne and Deirdre. Friends since nursing school.  Friends for life.

What has being a nurse taught me?  I am able to do just about anything I put my mind to.  If I believe in myself, I can do it.  I even can paint a picture.  It may not be the best picture, but hey, I put it on my wall.  And I did it myself. I have faced challenging patients and families along the way.  I have faced challenging doctors on this journey too.  One such doctor had me in tears many years ago.  I was fresh out of hospital orientation and still in report.  The medication had just come up from pharmacy and this doctor was known for being a pistol.  She had a reputation for giving the new nurses a hard time.  The IV med was sitting on the medication cart because the day shift nurse brought it in and left it there for me so that I could hang it when I got out of report.  The doctor came into our med/report room and ripped me up one side and down the other because I hadn’t administered this medication yet.  I wasn’t given the option to explain.  I was so upset and then the tears came.  It was awful.  Many years later, I had learned that all that was needed with this particular doctor was to stand my ground and stand up to her.  I had done that on one particular day and she had never given me another bit of mouthy guff again.  She could actually be a nice person, sometimes.

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The end of a long day!

I can tell you that with all that nurses go through in their average day, the best part is actual patient care.  I personally love caring for people.  I have enjoyed all these years of meeting the many who have been entrusted in my care.  I have to say it has been a true blessing to be a part of their lives when things are just not going well.  I always make it a goal of mine to make people smile.  If I’ve made you smile, I’ve done a good job.  Happy Nurse’s Day and Week to all my nursing friends.  Reach out and hug a nurse and tell them you love them.

P.S. Most nurses like hugs.

 

Very Early Morning…Darn My Luck

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The birds are singing their good morning song but the sun is still sleeping like I wish I was. I am at a stage where I really enjoy my sleep, but rarely get a full night of slumber. I so long for a good and full night’s rest, however, it seems that isn’t in the cards for me right now.

The result of this is that I’m tired during the day. So tired that it’s hard to stay awake during the day sometimes. I hate that I’m awake before my alarm goes off. Sometimes I need those few more minutes.

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Then there are the other mornings where I wake totally refreshed and ready to face my day head on. I with this was one of those days but it’s not.

Alas, this is the day I find out about jury duty but while I’m at work. I will have to call again tonight and make these calls daily this week until my juror number is called to serve. This frustrates me and makes me anxious. I will be fine though.

For now. I will get ready for work and have breakfast and my coffee. Lots of coffee. I will get my son ready for school as usual. I will send my girls off with yet another check for school. Today will be a good day. I’ve decided it will be a good day. Attitude is one thing I can choose so I choose a good one for today.

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Let’s see what today brings. Only one way to find out and that’s to get moving. Have a wonderful day today, where ever you happen to be!

I Really Need to be Sleeping…

 

loveWell it is officially the middle of the night and here I lie, wide awake. I tried reading but just couldn’t get into the book. It still didn’t get me to sleep. Its no wonder I’m falling asleep at lunchtime. Thank Goodness for ambulation and sustenance to keep me going!

As I lie here onight, I’m thinking about the fact that I’ve been summoned to jury duty for our circuit court this week. I just started my job so this is something that causes me great stress and anxiety. The fact that I have to call everyday after 5pm and if not selected. Again the next day at 11:15am and be ready to appear by 1pm makes me anxious. Twice a day until called upon to serve. Really? Is that completely necessary?

The other aspect of this that I find stressful is that I haven’t a clue where to go!that always causes anxiety in me. My heart starts racing and my breathing becomes more rapid and sometimes. If I cant. Yuck!

There’s also the matter of missed work and possibility of being sequestered. That freaks me out! I just started and I want to do really well. If I’m not there. How will I learn what I need to so I may do my job correctly? Oh. And they pay is big money! $15/day. Yeah.  So worth my time to do my duty. Uh-huh.

I’m just blatheriny/g on and now I’m getting sleepy so I will sign off for now! Have a great night and day! Sweet dreams.

If We Were Having Coffee

happy-nurseIf we were having coffee, I would tell you how much I love our coffee weekends.  I know I’m new to this, but I’ve been looking forward to this all week. It’s been a busy week. I would tell you that I’m glad I made the change from my other job.  This job will eventually become my home just as my last job was.  It’s always hard to leave home, even when you know it’s for the best.  I will always treasure my memories and my friendships that I made there.  I was there for a long time.  It’s hard to say goodbye, but luckily, I keep in touch with my friends.  My new job is completely different from my old job.  I’m refreshed when I think about it.  I don’t dread going to work, not that I did with my old job, but I knew I would be completely drained by the end of the day, devoid of any energy to do or be anything more than a blob of mush in my bed.  Once I have learned how to do my new job properly, I think, think, mind you, that I will actually still have the energy at the end of the day to be a wife and mother.  I know I’ll be home by 5:20pm everyday and not some unknown time.  That gives me peace of mind.  It also pleases my husband and my children. I am refreshed and renewed.  Who knew?  And to think I put this off for so long!

wp-1461835552717.jpegIf we were having that coffee that we so enjoy, I’d tell you that I have a newly nine year old boy this week!  Yep, the Boy turned nine on Wednesday. He was thrilled with his new hockey gear and even got some early, just by a day, so he could use it for Tuesday’s night’s game.  He even received new blue laces for his skates.  Now, even in his uniform, I can pick him out by his skate laces and his stick.  We had to do some spiffy taping on the stick to make it “cool”.  Sure, he received some clothes which he actually was very excited about.  Yes, he’s an odd boy who likes clothes. He practiced gratitude which pleased me tremendously!  I didn’t even have to remind him to be grateful.  He even got new boxers as a present because he has decided that the briefs are annoying and he’d rather just go without than wear them. Lord help me, please! Since receiving the boxers, however, he’s thrilled to bits and no complaints in the undergarment department!

wp-1461887341942.jpegI would give you the latest update on our little squirrel friend, Dexter.  He is thriving!  Dexter is still not weaned.  Typical baby boy, just like my human boy, wanting to hold on to “mama” as long as he can, I suppose.  He now sucks down anywhere from 10-20ml of squirrel formula at a time several times a day.  Usually, he takes about 15 ml. He’s a good little squirrel but he does poop a lot, especially if he’s sitting on your shoulder.  Luckily it’s very tiny and solid and easy to pick up.  He is still on his calcium supplement for his calcium deficiency, but we have been able to lower the dose.  He loves to climb, skitter around his cage and jump from person to person.  He’s tried climbing up my curtains, but we caught him and that was the end of that.  Soon, we will hopefully be able to release him.  It will be difficult to say goodbye, but I have a feeling we will be seeing him a lot in our yard, especially looking for his squirrel biscuits.

 

Writing Poetry and Being a Nurse

I haven’t been writing much poetry lately, but in these wee hours of the night, I sometimes find myself doing just that.  I am a nurse by profession, yet I have never written one poem about being a nurse.  It’s scary sometimes to be a nurse even when you’re very experienced.  I know this because I’ve been in the field of nursing since I was 17 years old.  That was nearly 30 years ago.  Man, am I old! Please, you don’t have to be that quick to agree! Anyway, I digress.

Brooke-webTonight, I wrote a short poem about a nurse who is starting a new job.  In fact, it’s her first day on the job.  How scary, especially if you are a new nurse.  I still remember that feeling all these years later.  In fact, I have dreams sometimes that I’m working at one of my former jobs but I’m late or not where I should be.  It’s usually some variant on the same theme.  I don’t have them often, but they usually happen when I’m feeling anxious about something at work or most recently because I just started my new job.  I’m not a job hopper so I don’t change jobs frequently.  That would just freak me out! Once you know your job, it’s hard to make that leap of faith and learn new things again, I think.

This is the basis of my latest poem, simply titled, “The Nurse”. I’ve been asked, by Hubs, if I would want to go back to hospital nursing on the floor.  My answer to him was a resounding “NO”. I loved my time on the floor, but I’m not sure my back or my feet could handle that anymore.  I love the setting I’m in now.   If you would be interested in reading my poetry, please visit my blog at https://wordpress.com/post/myblogforlife.wordpress.com/2360. I encourage you to leave me some feedback on anything you read there.  I don’t get much traffic, in fact, I rarely get any traffic and even rarer still do I receive comments.   I look forward from hearing from you very  much! As for me, I’m finally going to sleep now.  Many blessings my friends.