I Should Be Sleeping

Well, I should be sleeping but here I am at 4:17AM still awake. I’ll sleep soon enough. My mind is racing tonight. Thoughts of things left to do and things I should do. Thoughts of how I can be better and what I’ve done wrong amidst things I’ve done well and things I’ve done right. Why, at bedtime can I not shut this brain off, but during the day, I could fall asleep most anywhere?

Could it be my circadian rhythm is so screwed up? Yes. Could it be the middle years and menopause? Yes. Could it be a million things on my mind and I’m my heart? Again, the answer is yes.

image

I have an uncanny knack for over thinking in a pensive sort of way. Yes pensively. I do think about things deeply while often looking angry when I’m really not. My girls call it “testing birch face” I think. What a description. Of only they understood pensive!

Ah, the Hot Flashes

download (13)
Gotta love Maxine

A hot flash and I’m awake.  God save us all.  Well, those of us women who are going through menopause and those who have survived it understand this phenomenon.  For those of you who have this lovely path to look forward to, well, you will survive too, but it sucks.  Yes, those are very harsh words, my dear friends, but they are true.

I will tell you that there are lovely things out there that can help.  Medications, hormone therapy and the like, but me being me, well, I just have one medication that helps, usually.  It’s an antidepressant and it’s magnificent.  I started taking it after having my hysterectomy several years ago.  It helps with so many things.  I’m not crying all the time like I did immediately post operatively.  I usually can sleep, but not lately.  I usually don’t get these blasted hot flashes, except for lately.  Well, maybe it was great and just isn’t as wonderful as it once was.  I don’t cry anymore though and my mood is much improved.  There, reason enough.

images (32)

Tonight however, I’m not sleeping and I am having an annoying hot flash.  Lord have mercy, you can be absolutely frozen one minute and the very next one feel as though you’re on fire from your head to your toes.  It’s the only thing I just don’t understand.  I guess it’s just another reason we are the stronger of the two sexes.

Can you imagine men having to go through all the things we as women have to put up with?  And we start so young! First, we start our periods when we are mere babies, only to have to put up with that every 4 weeks, if we’re lucky and are regular, for decades just so we can have babies.

Can you really imagine a man having periods with the pain, the cramps, the headaches, the bleeding, the moodiness, the tampons!  It’s bad enough having to train men to go to the store and buy the pads and the tampons and  get it correct.  In my house we have myself and then there are my three daughters ages 19, 18 and 14.  Imagine my poor husband having to keep everyone happy in the feminine product line!  He’s really good and knows everyone’s preferences. Can you imagine though, if it was him that did the bleeding every month instead? I’m telling you, he’s a very strong man, but when he stubs a toe or hits his arm even remotely solidly on something, the “Ow” can be heard very clearly throughout this house.  Pain is not something he’s accustomed to. I suppose you could say, he just doesn’t do pain well.  He’d be writhing and in a ball for days if he had to have a period every month.

images (31)
One of my favorite sayings

Then there is me.  I’m the one that my girls say, “oh, you’re so lucky you don’t bleed anymore, mom.” Ha! If they only knew.  I had my share for enough years.  My time every month was wrought with such pain and there was no ibuprofen over the counter so I had to suck it up.  I didn’t stay home from school.  And there were plenty of times I bled through my clothes.  As if I’m so lucky? It got so bad at the end and I don’t miss that old saggy bag, AKA my uterus.  It served me well.  I have 4 beautiful children.  I am too old to have anymore now anyway.  I’ll wait, hopefully a very long time for grandchildren.  Then I can spoil them rotten!

Ah, hot flash averted once again.  Now, it’s back to my usual freezing self.  Poor hubs can’t understand why his normally freezing wife is suddenly hot and sweaty for mere moments of time.  It has to be difficult for the male of the species to understand us.  We are so complicated and awesome in all that we are.  And he  has to deal with me.  I’m not only complicated and awesome, I’m creative and anxious about life in general, but getting less so on the latter.  Talk about getting in a little deep.  He did that to himself, but says he wouldn’t change a thing. He’s a smart one, I’ll give him that.  Smart about giving me the right answers.dbbee6a4b1ad96765de6eed426fe372e

I can’t imagine being anyone other than who I am.  I am woman.  Hear me roar.  Well, sometimes I might just meow a little, but most days I will roar.  We women are very strong.  We’ve been created that way.  It takes a great deal of strength to go through life and have to deal with all the things we do every single day whether it’s being a mom, having a career or doing both, like me.  Every day is an adventure that we are blessed to have.

Of course we are strong because who else could handle having periods or going through menopause while just living life and getting on with things. Who else could have babies? The pain of carrying a child, never mind the labor and delivery. Certainly not men.  They’re too busy doing the manly things that they do.  Don’t ask me what exactly that is.  I really don’t understand them most of the time.  There are those men who try to keep up and do a good job, but as women, we need to be proud of who we are and go get them.  If you are a woman, you are a tigress!  Roar loud and be proud!