A New Start

20150611_145700Silent as snow falling, Her footsteps fell on the stairs.

No one would hear as she left the cozy, little house.

She had all that she needed packed in her tiny, red bag, to start fresh and new in the big city.

Tears flowed freely as she whispered one last goodbye to the dog she loved and grew up with. It was time.

Time to move on. Time to see if she could make it on her own.

She grabbed her guitar and her red bag and the money she’d saved waitressing. She knew she had to leave now or she’d miss her train.

Scared and excited for what lay ahead, she placed the note on the table. She didn’t know when she’d be back, but she vowed she’d make this work.

Her mama woke, as if on cue. “Sweet girl of mine” she said, “you are destined for greatness. You always have been. I knew this day was coming”.

“Make me proud and make it big. Not just for you, but for all of us here at home. Here’s what I’ve saved for many years.”

“Don’t squander it. Make it grow for you. Now don’t you cry and don’t be late. You have a train calling you.”

With that, the two women hugged like they would never let go, then her mother kissed her and turned away.

She was on her way to a better life to make a new start in the big city with her mama’s blessing. Her determination bigger and stronger than ever. She was going to make it. For her mama.


A Never Ending Love

Gently, he took her hand in his

As he kissed her petal soft cheek.

She gazed into his deep, hazel eyes.

Her blue eyes slightly dampened from tears.

She felt as though she had failed once more.

He comforted her as he always did.

He told her how perfect and beautiful she was.

How her eyes sparkled when she talked of their life.

He told her how kind, how thoughtful to others she was,

How she touched those who ached,

How everyone loved her, except herself.

The tears softly flowed like drops of rain down her cheeks

As she listened to each word he uttered.

“I’ll love you, my dear, till the seas are all dry.”

And knew she would be his forever.

Mother

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I am a bit fond of this poem that I wrote.  It’s one that simply came from my heart.  Of course, it’s about my mom and she was amazing in so many ways.  I miss her so much every day.  Some days are harder than others.  Today was a great day spent with my dad, but tonight, I’m thinking about my mom.  She and I were very close.  There were times we acted more like sisters than mother and daughter.  I am so grateful that I was blessed with a mom like her.  She was the kindest, most thoughtful and generous woman.  I know you are probably tired of reading about her, but until I’m tired of writing about her, I will continue.

Sitting with my dad and my awesome Aunt Bea today, I was reminded of where my parents came from.  Dad told me stories as well on the 2 hour trip home.  How wonderful to be able to spend time learning about life back in those days.  You see, my family is from Ireland.  My dad came here in 1955 and went back to get mom in 1960, in case you hadn’t read my first blogs.  Being a first generation in this country is not like most people here.  We have a different outlook than others because of where and when our parents came from.  My mom was an exceptional woman in every respect.  Imagine leaving your family and friends and all you know and hold dear to marry a man and move to a new country.  People do it, but, back then, the airfare and phone calls were very dear.  There was no email or technology as we know it now.  No Skype.  No, nothing to keep in touch with most people very easily.  Mom came here with a little red case.  Those were her worldly goods.  The only other thing she had was her new husband waiting here for her and her new married name and a few of his relatives.  Imagine how brave she was.  I know her bravery and strength.  She was unwavering  in that department.   She will always be the strongest woman I will ever know.  She had to be.  Here is my poem.  I hope you enjoy it.  No iambic pentameter here!!

Mother

She was there.  Always available for everyone.  Always.

What happened just simply was unexpected and unfair.

It was a completely ordinary day, like so many in her life, but this was the day that would change the course of everyone’s life forever.

She dressed, ate breakfast, had her tea with milk and Truvia.  She went to Mass with her husband.

She tidied the house and called on a friend.  She was just visiting.  Just for a little while, and it happened.

IT happened.  That was the last time she was who she had always been.  The always of 85 years.  Was it her heart?  What was happening?

They took her away.  It was so busy, so many people, machines, voices.  Where was her family?  What was happening?

She slept.  Her family was there, but she was sedated with medications and tubes and the ventilator and the drain.  That drain.  So many people, then not so many people anymore.

The tubes disappeared one by one.  She awoke.  Her speech was slurred but she was here, sort of.

“Hi Mom!  It’s me!  Do you know where you are?  I love you Mom.” She smiles and recognizes her daughter.  She begins to build some strength.

She sits up in the chair. “Hi Mom! Do you know where you are?” I do, I think I do.  I answer.  I’m not right.  “It’s okay Mom.  You’ve been through a lot. ”  She explains, but I can’t remember.

“Hi Mom. I love you so much Mom.  Please fight Mom.  Please.  Please.” She can’t eat, or stay awake very long.  She wakes only for her daughter.  She doesn’t respond much to the others.

“Mom, it’s okay to go.  I will always love you, forever.  It’s okay.  I’ll take care of everyone.  You taught me how.  I promise I’ll make you proud, Mom.  I wish you could stay, but I know you can’t.”

It’s her son’s birthday.  She made it.  She feels her daughter holding her hand.  She’s been holding her hand for a long time.  Now she can peacefully go home.  Her daughter cries again.  “I love you so much, Mom.  Watch over us”.

 

War Within Me

I wake to cloudy skies, my mind at unease.

I wake to being all that has been taken from me.

No longer youthful or pretty.

No longer energetic or carefree.

I find no peace within, only chaos.

Where do I turn?  How do I cope with this day?

The same as before,

With that strength that I found

Somewhere deep inside me.

Will this battle within strengthen or kill me?

Today, I choose to live.

By Deirdre Conran

Poetry Day

I decided to share a poem I wrote today.  I just was in one of those moods today and had the notion to write a poem.  The words just came into my head and here they are.  I hope you enjoy it.  It’s not my best, but I believe it’s decent enough to share.  Please let me know what you think.  I really would enjoy hearing from you!

Days Gone By

I recall vividly those long days spent frolicking outside

Picking flowers as we made sure to smell each one.

Everything seemed bigger then than it does now.

We could play for hours and run to our heart’s content.

Fluffy clouds became elephants or bears as we lay in the fresh cut grass.

Those days are gone, my friend.

They’ve been replaced with different days though just as busy.

We buy flowers, not pick them.

The world has become so much smaller, more convenient.

Clouds are just clouds.

Just for today, I choose to pick the tulips and see if they smell good,

take a walk along the newly greened grass,

lay with my kids and see which animals we can spot flying in the sky.

Just for today, I remember those days gone by.

I am young again but just for today.

 

Happy Daydreaming!

Deirdre