Fathers and Sons

When the kids drove your spouse crazy and you don’t know what’s going on, it’s like a bomb has gone off in your otherwise peaceful home. At least that’s what it feels like I’m mine. Life happens when things get crazy sometimes. My house is no different than anyone else’s. 

Tonight was one of those nights and my husband’s temper flared. All I know is that while I was in the bathtub, my 9 year old came and poked his nose in to tell me dad was mean and a big dummy. Meanwhile I heard more interesting comments coming from my husband’s direction aimed towards the boy. What is a mom to do? Well, calm the boy and yell that the hubs is not saying very nice things.

Lord give me strength to get through this. That’s my prayer for these little occasions and somehow I always find the strength to muddle through and figure out what happened. Tonight was different though. I enjoyed my bath and let them get through it without meddling too much. I have no idea what the madness was about and furthernore, I don’t care. I’m chalking it up to hubs being tired and therefore cranky and the boy, well, he’s just a typical 9 year old boy.

I suppose for many, myself included, it’s so difficult to be that strong parent with the golden touch when you’re tired. Some people are just naturally prone to being tired. Luckily, I’m usually not one of them, but I have my moments. Sometimes we’ve just had a bad day and unfortunately sometimes our kids just know which buttons to push. I know my 9 year old certainly does. Luckily though. He is resilient like most kids. The two resolved their issue without me which makes me so happy. Then move my hubs has for his son is immense. If only kids realized that love earlier. I think they get it sometimes, but it’s hard in this extraordinarily busy and crazy world we live in. 

The moral to my story? Well, I suppose as mom’s we try to fix everything. Its just what we do. Sometimes it’s okay to let them fix their problems all by themselves without getting involved. They can do it and it will strengthen their relationship in the long run.

Still in Hospital

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Yes, I know you feel neglected. I know that feeling all too well..I promise I’ll be back to drive you mad soon enough. For now, you will just have to look at some old posts.

Please don’t forget me though! I’m just a short time from returning. I just had to fight off a bit of an awful infection first. I’ve a drain in which is terribly terrible but I’ve named him Pablo, to keep my spirits up. I’ll have him about 2 -3 weeks. The site, where my stomach surgery had been 2 weeks before was feeling okay but not like it should, before Pablo.  Now, I’m starting to feel better. At last.

Before Pablo, I was having daily fevers. They weren’t very high fevers, but to this well-seasoned nurse, it was a certain sign that something was amiss and it was most certainly, an infection.

Thank God, for such wonderful inventions and all that we have! I had a CT scan and just like that the infection was found. Now, the not so jolly part. The healing…
It just takes time but it is hard to write while mending. I will be back! Try to keep me back! Until then, my love to you my sweet followers, and to new friends.

Still in Hospital

image

Yes, I know you feel neglected. I know that feeling all too well..I promise I’ll be back to drive you mad soon enough. For now, you will just have to look at some old posts.

Please don’t forget me though! I’m just a short time from returning. I just had to fight off a bit of an awful infection first. I’ve a drain in which is terribly terrible but I’ve named him Pablo, to keep my spirits up. I’ll have him about 2 -3 weeks. The site, where my stomach surgery had been 2 weeks before was feeling okay but not like it should, before Pablo.  Now, I’m starting to feel better. At last.

Before Pablo, I was having daily fevers. They weren’t very high fevers, but to this well-seasoned nurse, it was a certain sign that something was amiss and it was most certainly, an infection.

Thank God, for such wonderful inventions and all that we have! I had a CT scan and just like that the infection was found. Now, the not so jolly part. The healing…
It just takes time but it is hard to write while mending. I will be back! Try to keep me back! Until then, my love to you my sweet followers, and to new friends.

We All Have Faults

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While talking to my daughter tonight, I was reminded that I do indeed, have many faults.  It’s not that we spent our phone conversation discussing faults or, in fact arguing.  We had, by contrast, a delightful conversation. I love my daughter very much but we don’t always get along.  In fact, I have to say, she’s much happier living where she is now than when she was living here at home.  She now lives with her dad.  The reason, you ask? The answer is me.  I am the reason.

I have said before that I am a work in progress.  I have so many faults I don’t know where to begin.  It was my oldest daughter’s recommendation that I open up about my faults to show you that I’m not some pretentious “fake” person who writes about things and pretends to some perfect person.  Those people don’t exist.  So, I will tell you, I have a hard time admitting my faults.  This will be difficult, but I thought this was a great idea.  It’s a great way to grow as a person.  You are my audience and I appreciate you.  I appreciate any input you have to help me along this journey of growth, too.

As I said, I don’t admit my faults well.  In fact, I really suck at admitting I’m wrong most of the time.  I’m opinionated.  I’m obstinante. I cry easily and I yell when I’m upset, a lot.  I don’t just yell, I yell really mean and often hurtful things at the people I love.  I’m trying to work on this, but it’s so hard.  Why am I like this?  God, what I wouldn’t give to know the answer to that.

Image result for human flawsI hate that I get so upset so easily.  I don’t remember always being like this either.  I used to be very easy going.  I used to get upset, but over time, I guess I developed this terrible habit of yelling when I’d cry and say hurtful things because I was hurting.  How awful I feel too. I have to say this is my most hated trait about myself, especially since most people see me as this bubbly, happy person on the outside of my house.  They don’t see the hurt, evil, mean me.  And I am very mean when I’m angry.  The problem is, when I’m mean and angry, it’s always because I am feeling like I’ve been wronged somehow even when it isn’t true.

I take everything that my family does personally.  If the kids don’t listen, it’s a personal attack on the kind of mother I am.  Stupid, I know, but there it is.  If my husband doesn’t want my affection because he is exhauseted or not feeling well, then I’m too fat and he doesn’t love me anymore.  See, somehow, it’s my fault.  I am the cause of my problem and what my family doesn’t know is that I already know that I am my own worst enemy.

I’m working on being kind.  I’ve always been kind to others.  It’s one of my best traits.  Now, I have to work on being kind to myself, especially when I’m feeling hurt or angry.  I’m working on being kinder to my family, but sometimes that’s really hard.  I find it reallyl hard to have unrelenting patience with the kids when they just can’t seem to listen the first time they are asked to do something.  “Please” is something I’m learning to use when I ask them to do a chore, but often it doesn’t seem to get them moving any faster.  I do beat myself up over it later, after I’ve yelled at them, but I hope I’m improving as a mom.  I screw up daily, but I’m human.  God help me please.  I am only human and I’m learning every day.