As I Was Growing and Changing

Summers filled with swimming at the swimming pool, playing tennis with my friends, playing outside until the last lightning bug was caught.  Ahhh, those were the days.  I remember them so well.  The carefree days of long, long ago.  No bills to pay, no getting up for work, no one to have to take care of.  It’s not that I would have things any other way than the way they are now, it’s just, well, some days, just some, I’d like to go back in time to visit the old days that I couldn’t wait to get out of.

When we are eight, we long to be nine.  I thought that being nine must be the coolest age ever.  I could never explain my fascination with the age of nine, but for me, I thought that nine year olds could do anything.  In my head, I had it imagined that they stayed up later, they had more independence.  It was just way cooler to be nine. Until, of course, I became nine and nothing at all changed in my life, except that I could say that I was nine.


When I was 14, I thought the world started when you became 16.  You could drive and work!  Wow, I could get a job and by golly, I would get a job as a waitress because that’s what Mary H, my mom’s friend’s daughter did.  She got one at Wag’s Restaurant and she made tips.  Everyone knew that if you made tips, you made good money.  What a life it must be if you were 16, driving and had a job that made tips.

That is exactly what I did.  Well, in the summer.  I wasn’t allowed to work during the school year.  And I got that job at Wag’s.  I wasn’t that great, but I always tried my hardest. I also was introduced to harassment, weird people hitting on me, spilling 5 cups of water on my manager and not making so much in tips that I was rolling in dough.  I worked all the time and boy, were my legs tired, but I had a job and I was so very proud of that.


Eighteen must be where it’s at.    Then you’re an adult.  Then you don’t have to listen to your parents anymore.  They are always ragging about what they want you to do.  It sucks enough that all your friends got to go away for college and your 2 choices were both in town for nursing school, so they could keep an eye on you.  You know that they said “We don’t think you’re quite ready to go away just yet” means, you can’t handle it and we are going to micromanage your life just that much more.  God help me.  I just want to be an adult already.  When will they loosen those apron strings?


I’m twenty-one, on my own and loving it, but this is so hard.  It’s hard to keep track of the bills.  I thought I’d have more money to have fun with.  God, they always treated me like such a child.  I’ll prove them wrong though.  I really will.  When I get married E and I will do just fine.  We’ll be so happy together.  They’ll see.  If he ever asks me.


Well, I’m married and it’s been a rough start.  I sure hope he does really love me as much as he said he does.  He spends a lot of his time with his friends.  My friends come to visit me, but not as much anymore now that we are having a baby.  At least I have his sister.  I’m almost done with school.  At least I finally have made my own friends here.  It’s taken me forever since all his friends are just his gamer friends and are not like me.  I’m 26 now.


Five years have past and we have 3 little girls now.  They are my life.  He’s a good father, but our relationship is awkward sometimes.  It seems to work though.  I think.  My girls are precious though.  My oldest just started kindergarten, my second one is in preschool and my 3rd is a newborn.  September 11, 2001 just happened and it’s a tragedy of epic proportions.  The world as we know it will never be the same.  I am a great mom and a nurse, but I fear I’m not a great wife anymore.  We just seem to go through the motions a lot.  It must be because the kids are small and take up so much time.


Another 6 years have elapsed.  My marriage is in ruins.  My husband left.  I don’t understand.  This is all I’ve ever wanted.  What did I do?  How did this happen?


July 28, 2006 I am marrying the man of my dreams.  Actually, he is the one I dated for 6 years through junior high, high school and part of college.  Then I dumped him.  I was bored and thought he didn’t love me.  The truth is, he never stopped loving me.  He was the one I went swimming with and played tennis with all those years ago.  He understands me like my ex-husband never did.  He is the love of my life and we will weather any storm.  We know that marriage is hard work, but he waited from 1989 until now for me.  Not that he didn’t date, but he’s only loved me.  Me! Sometimes things are better the second time around.  We hope to get pregnant as soon as possible because I’m not getting any younger.  I’m 36.  I’m a beautiful bride, even if I say so myself.


April 27,2007 Baby boy is born.  Well it certainly didn’t take us long to get pregnant.  The boy was a honey moon boy.  What a perfect, 8#, 20 inch long baby boy.  His lips are like rose buds.  He’s perfect and looks like his daddy.  I’ve never been happier and I am so happy to say that my family is finally complete.


This summer will be our 10th anniversary and I grow more in love with my husband everyday.  I can’t tell you that I wish the divorce didn’t happen, but my first marriage was not the fit that this one is.  We fit each other like a pair of old well worn kid gloves.  My husband makes me very happy and we understand each other.  It’s also so nice to have him to reminisce with about the good old days.  The day he got so mad at this brat of a kid that he dumped water on him at the tennis courts and chased him all the way to the pool where he promptly got kicked out.  He was defending his brother and myself.  Always my knight in shining armor.  My hero.  Sometimes he remembers my stories, other times he doesn’t, but he always listens to them anyway.  I thank God for this man every day and for the family I’ve been given.

Growing up is great when you’re young, but you’re always in such a rush to grow up.  Such a shame knowing what I know now.  I wish I hadn’t always wanted to be the most independent woman that I have become.  Just another reason to love Hubs I guess.  He lets me rely on him, a lot!


 


This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post with your host, Kristi from www.findingninee.com

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While I Was Sleeping

Have you ever woken up abruptly just wished you could fall back to sleep?  It happened to me this morning.  I always wish I could finish my dream.  I always want to know how they end! Sometimes I imagine what the ending would be if I had my choice.  Sometimes I think I might know how it would end.  Sometimes I think, well, sometimes I just want to forget the whole thing.

While I was sleeping early this morning, I dreamt the most delightful dream.  I was absolutely healthy again.  My surgery was over and I was back to the old me.  I had even lost my excess weight.  I dreamt that I was thin, like I was when I was younger.  I dreamt that with the loss of my distal pancreas and spleen, I was finally feeling awesome again and somehow, as if by magic, I was somehow fully engaged in life again.  What a fabulous dream it was until I was woken up.

I was woken up abruptly when it was time to be a normal mom again.  It happens every morning.  I wouldn’t change it for anything.  I wake up at the same time all week.  It’s a chore to get the boy ready, as he rarely wants to get up easily any more.  He used to fly out of bed, but somewhere along the way this year, he started getting lazy in the mornings, just like the rest of us.

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I had a chance to lay down again later this morning.  I was off today, a blessing since I had pain today.  I fell fast asleep and slept hard.  Again, I had a vivid dream.  I was rudely and abruptly awakened by my daughter who informed me that my other daughter was stranded at school without a ride home.  After taking a few minutes to get myself together, I dragged myself to the van and went to get her.  All I can remember about that dream, is that it was fast-paced and oh so vivid.

We all have dreams both awake and asleep.  While I’m awake, I know what my dreams are, but while I’m sleeping, I dream of the things I think and dream about while I’m awake.  I know that we dream about the things that need to be worked out in our waking life.  Somehow, our dreams help our subconscious mind to work out our problems.  Isn’t that just the coolest thing!  I think so, but then again, I’m pretty weird in the things I think are cool!  I’m an eclectic nerd and I’m happy being who I am.

I also suffer with insomnia.  I would say from, but it’s more of something that is part of who I am anymore.  I never know when it will strike me.  I may have 3 nights in a row where I sleep then 4 nights where I’m up for hours on end.  I never know what will happen when I lay my head down on the pillow.  I just always know I’m tired at night, until I lay down.  I love to dream and look forward to those moments of blissful sleep.  Alas, that evil entity, insomnia keeps me from those lovely dreams quite often.  My hope?  That this will one day pass.  What did you dream last night?  or today?  Not everyone has normal sleep hours.


This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post.  It’s hosted this week by Kristi of Findingninee.com and myself!  Check out Kristi’s site for more great writers!  You won’t be sorry!

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A Long Time Ago

20141013_225029A long time ago and far, far away, there lived a beautiful young maiden with golden hair and blue eyes.  She was a lovely child but lonely as she had only an older brother as a companion and not many friends.  She loved music and played piano very well.  She immersed herself in her music which made her different from her family because they enjoyed sports more than music.

Her summers were spent at the pool and playing tennis where she made friends easily with another family where there were other children her age.  In this family, there was another maiden who became her best friend along with her younger brother.  The three played everyday in the pool and spent carefree afternoons together and inseparable.  The golden haired maiden even began spending the night at their home.  A lifetime friendship had been made.  Little did the maiden know that her life would change because of this friendship.

One day, the maiden noticed a raven haired stranger with hazel eyes and the longest eyelashes she had ever seen sitting alone next to the pool.  He had a plaster cast on his leg and crutches next to him.  The look on his face was that of dismay, for anyone could tell he wanted desperately to go into the water with the other children, but was unable to join due to the cast upon his leg.

The maiden could tell that this must be another sibling of her two friends, as they were 2 of 5 children.  She was informed that this was their next older brother, James.  She thought how handsome he was.  His hair was jet black and wavy.  His eyes were lively and alert, and those eyelashes framed those beautiful eyes.  His lips were like rosebuds. She had never been attracted to any boy before like this before.  She was young.  She had plenty of time.  She didn’t give it much thought after that.

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Time went by and the attractive boy eventually was able to join them in the pool.  He started to play with them off and on.  He didn’t always join them, but as time went on, he spent more and more time with the three friends.  When the maiden went to spend the night with her friend, the other maiden, she found herself spending more and more time with James as the years went on.

Eventually, James’ family moved to another kingdom far away.  The maiden was devastated.  By this time, she knew that she loved James and James knew he loved her too.  They continued to write and visit each other often.  They were officially seeing each other by this time.  Years had past since those days at the pool.  They had known each other since James was 12 and the maiden was 10.

Now, they were both in college and the maiden was 19 and James was 21.  Then suddenly, the maiden decided she had had enough. One day, the maiden decided that James no longer loved her because he wouldn’t hold her hand in public or hug her in front of people.  Looking back, that was silly, but hindsight is 20/20.

The maiden dated few others and eventually fell deeply and madly in love with another.  After 3 years, she married.  Another 3 years and a child was born.  13 years after saying “I do”, however, and her marriage was over.  She was devastated and alone with 3 little girls.

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She had always maintained her friendship with James.  It was easy to do because he was so easy to talk to and such a good person.  Their relationship was based on respect and love. There had never been sex to complicate things.  James had never married because the maiden was his one and only true love.

When out to lunch one day, the maiden asked James if he would consider dating her again.  He laughed and said he couldn’t believe she had to ask. They were married the next year and have been married ever since.  A beautiful, bouncing, baby boy was added to the family the year after they made their vows to each other.  This is their happily ever after.  Sometimes dreams do come true.


This is part of Finish the Sentence Friday.  The host is always Kristi at www. findingninee.com where you can find the other fabulous links to complete this week’s sentence, “A long time ago and far, far away…”

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Sharing with the World

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When it comes to sharing online, we as a society have become a little, well, how do I say it? We over share. Not everything that happens in our lives needs to be online, but as humans we also have a need to share our lives with others. So, where do we draw the line? There are some rules and some things that should be rules.

Teenagers are notorious for over sharing online. I have seen this firsthand, as a mother of 3 teenage daughters! It happened twice. One time sharing too much affected my daughter negatively. Another time, another daughter was affected my her own comments made in anger that she regretted posting immediately after posting them. She tried to delete the comment but it was too late. The comment had been seen and spread like wildfire. All broken hearts made by hurtful comments eventually healed, but took a long, long time.

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People have a tendency to share so much on social media. I love to look at my friend’s photos and read the inspiring things they write or share. What I can’t stand, however, is people posting negative comments or fighting online. The whole idea of spreading negativity and rudeness drives me crazy! Do you really need to, or want to air your dirty laundry online for all to see?
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I do share quite a bit online, I admit, but I try to be very careful as well. I think before I write anything. I ask myself something that my mom used to tell me. She told me to ask myself several questions actually before I wrote anything. First, am I writing something nice and second, do you remember that once it’s written and read, you can’t take it back.

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Words are a wonderful tool for expression.  They communicate our thoughts, our feelings and our hopes and dreams, but we have to be very careful in what we share with the world, especially on the Web! Too much, and we risk losing so much! Showing some care in what we share and what we write will perhaps help our world to be a little more positive in such a negative time.


This is a Finish the Sentence Friday post.  This week’s sentence was “Sharing on the internet…” hosted as always by the phenomenal Kristi at http://www.findingninee.com.  Please visit her site and enjoy the other posts by my fellow authors on this subject as well as Kristi’s wonderful post.  I promise, you’ll be glad you visited!

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