While I Was Sleeping…

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Dreams are so strange, especially when you are stuck taking pain medication. I’ve just woken up from a dream where I was a waitress and I was working my first day. I went to take my first order and there Sat a gentleman who wanted a fried egg and rice on the side or so I thought I heard. He was rude as one woman screamed in my ear and another man was talking at the same time. I asked him to repeat it amongst the chaos and still heard the same thing. The dream lasted forever with people speaking at me from all sides. When I tried to write his order on my pad, it was a pad of paper that was filled with tiny little bits of paper. I had nowhere to write it down. The rude man in the left was laughing and saying I couldn’t even handle being a waitress. I kept saying but I’m really a registered nurse. I’m helping out in here. He kept laughing and saying more rude things implying I couldn’t be a real nurse either anymore than I was a real waitress. All I can say is thank God I woke up!

The moral to this story? Hell if I know, but, I will tell you I was a waitress as my first job and I tried my best. I was just 16 and wasn’t very good. I tried hard and probably could have done alright eventually. I am grateful to all the wait staff out there. I know what a difficult job it is and I appreciate what they do every day so that I don’t have to cook and I can enjoy a meal out with my family and friends once in a while.

I am also grateful that I make a pretty good nurse. Nursing is a calling and not just anyone can be a great nurse. Thankfully for me, I made the right career choice. It’s a versatile and ever growing field. Of you don’t like where you are, there is always someplace else you will probably fit in.

I Should Be Sleeping

Well, I should be sleeping but here I am at 4:17AM still awake. I’ll sleep soon enough. My mind is racing tonight. Thoughts of things left to do and things I should do. Thoughts of how I can be better and what I’ve done wrong amidst things I’ve done well and things I’ve done right. Why, at bedtime can I not shut this brain off, but during the day, I could fall asleep most anywhere?

Could it be my circadian rhythm is so screwed up? Yes. Could it be the middle years and menopause? Yes. Could it be a million things on my mind and I’m my heart? Again, the answer is yes.

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I have an uncanny knack for over thinking in a pensive sort of way. Yes pensively. I do think about things deeply while often looking angry when I’m really not. My girls call it “testing birch face” I think. What a description. Of only they understood pensive!

I Should be Sleeping…

night skyOf course I should be sleeping like most of my house is right now.  I am tired, but I’m not tired.  It’s a bit odd, this insomnia.  It luckily doesn’t happen every night, but tonight is one of those nights when the creative juices are flowing and I can’t seem to turn off the laptop.  I have to write.  I realize that there are those out there that don’t understand this phenomenon, but then there are those of you that do understand.  As it is, when I have one of these moments, my Hubs is dead asleep, the kids are in bed, the animals have all taken up their spots of respite for the night and here I sit with my fingers tapping rather aimlessly along the keyboard of the HP laptop that, in reality belongs to my 18 year old daughter.

I had been feeling rather anxious about my new job.  I can’t really tell you why.  I enjoy it so far, although it will take time to adjust.  I am a float nurse at a clinic which means I will have to learn many different routines so that I can fill in for the nurses whose place I am taking for the day.  I’m very adaptable, but this prospect is a bit daunting.  I hate the idea of not being good enough or really, I suppose of failing.  I know I will get the hang of things eventually, but I guess at the moment, I’m just a little overwhelmed.  I’ve spent a great deal of this week in classes which has improved my mindset tremendously though.

I just finished the new employee orientation class and I can honestly say it was wonderful.  Not only did I get to meet some great new people, I also was able to learn more about myself and the way my mind works.  We were able to participate in a great activity called Real Colors.  It breaks everyone down to 4 colors.  There are Blue, Gold, Green and Orange.  I discovered through these small activities that I am most definitely a Blue with a good splash of Orange mixed in.  I was able to administer the test to my husband and just as I thought, he is a Green.

people-with-colorpieces-whiteI know what you’re thinking.  What the heck is she going on about? The colors represent different personality types.  For instance, as a Blue, I have certain characteristics.  I scored very highly in this category so I am a strong Blue.  Not everyone is so predominantly one color, but I most certainly am. Characteristics that absolutely describe me are being a good listener, being stressed by feeling artificial, loyalty is my highest value, key characteristic is authenticity, peacemaker at work, takes pride in empathy, validated by acceptance of others, trusts intuition and feelings.  Basically, I am very sensitive, focus on feelings, love to help others, need to be accepted and validated and love harmony.

I have seen other personality tests before but this one made great sense to me.  It was simple and straight to the point.  The thing that I really thought was intriguing was that if I took this a few years ago, or if I take this a few years from now, I may get a completely different result.  We change as people.  Things that happen to us along the path of life change us.  I would love to administer this test to so many people just for fun.  Learning about the different types of personalities and what makes them tick also helps us to understand how to interact with them more effectively.

anxiety picture What a fabulous tool to have in any workplace.  I can imagine what some of my family is and what some of my friends are based on what I’ve learned today. I believe that with this knowledge I will be better able to communicate with my new coworkers.  I look forward to the challenges that I face.  I have never been so happy that I was made to take a class.  These last 2 days have inspired me to greet this new challenge head on instead of with my tail tucked in between my legs.

I Should Be Sleeping…

Oh the joys of waking in the middle of the night. I’ve got just a few things in my mind in these wee hours but perhaps sleep will be kind enough to take me back for another dream or two before my day must truly begin.

My sweet boy is now the newly 9 year old. Where has that time gone? We had a lovely family celebration tonight complete with mashed potatoes, a burger bar, homemade baked beans and corn on the cob. What more could a boy ask for! He received some new clothes, which were needed and new hockey gear, including a new curved stick! Heaven! Those of us present for his birth were all there, minus his oldest sister.

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Of course, now we have my dad present for all these important occasions and I couldn’t be happier! I know how much mom would have loved being here if she were here, but having dad makes me so incredibly happy. He’s relaxed, hilarious and so very kind. For so many years, my parents were in another state for these big events and holidays. They were the missing pieces of the puzzle. Now, even though mom may be gone, having dad here completes that puzzle and makes our family whole. How could I ever repay him for all that he does for our family everyday? All I can do is to show him my love and to be a good daughter. I want him to be proud of the woman I’ve become.

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I shall attempt to sleep again now, to dream of far away places and new lands. Each day is a new day and I want to greet it refreshed and renewed! Good night my dear readers! Sleep well!