As I Was Growing and Changing

Summers filled with swimming at the swimming pool, playing tennis with my friends, playing outside until the last lightning bug was caught.  Ahhh, those were the days.  I remember them so well.  The carefree days of long, long ago.  No bills to pay, no getting up for work, no one to have to take care of.  It’s not that I would have things any other way than the way they are now, it’s just, well, some days, just some, I’d like to go back in time to visit the old days that I couldn’t wait to get out of.

When we are eight, we long to be nine.  I thought that being nine must be the coolest age ever.  I could never explain my fascination with the age of nine, but for me, I thought that nine year olds could do anything.  In my head, I had it imagined that they stayed up later, they had more independence.  It was just way cooler to be nine. Until, of course, I became nine and nothing at all changed in my life, except that I could say that I was nine.


When I was 14, I thought the world started when you became 16.  You could drive and work!  Wow, I could get a job and by golly, I would get a job as a waitress because that’s what Mary H, my mom’s friend’s daughter did.  She got one at Wag’s Restaurant and she made tips.  Everyone knew that if you made tips, you made good money.  What a life it must be if you were 16, driving and had a job that made tips.

That is exactly what I did.  Well, in the summer.  I wasn’t allowed to work during the school year.  And I got that job at Wag’s.  I wasn’t that great, but I always tried my hardest. I also was introduced to harassment, weird people hitting on me, spilling 5 cups of water on my manager and not making so much in tips that I was rolling in dough.  I worked all the time and boy, were my legs tired, but I had a job and I was so very proud of that.


Eighteen must be where it’s at.    Then you’re an adult.  Then you don’t have to listen to your parents anymore.  They are always ragging about what they want you to do.  It sucks enough that all your friends got to go away for college and your 2 choices were both in town for nursing school, so they could keep an eye on you.  You know that they said “We don’t think you’re quite ready to go away just yet” means, you can’t handle it and we are going to micromanage your life just that much more.  God help me.  I just want to be an adult already.  When will they loosen those apron strings?


I’m twenty-one, on my own and loving it, but this is so hard.  It’s hard to keep track of the bills.  I thought I’d have more money to have fun with.  God, they always treated me like such a child.  I’ll prove them wrong though.  I really will.  When I get married E and I will do just fine.  We’ll be so happy together.  They’ll see.  If he ever asks me.


Well, I’m married and it’s been a rough start.  I sure hope he does really love me as much as he said he does.  He spends a lot of his time with his friends.  My friends come to visit me, but not as much anymore now that we are having a baby.  At least I have his sister.  I’m almost done with school.  At least I finally have made my own friends here.  It’s taken me forever since all his friends are just his gamer friends and are not like me.  I’m 26 now.


Five years have past and we have 3 little girls now.  They are my life.  He’s a good father, but our relationship is awkward sometimes.  It seems to work though.  I think.  My girls are precious though.  My oldest just started kindergarten, my second one is in preschool and my 3rd is a newborn.  September 11, 2001 just happened and it’s a tragedy of epic proportions.  The world as we know it will never be the same.  I am a great mom and a nurse, but I fear I’m not a great wife anymore.  We just seem to go through the motions a lot.  It must be because the kids are small and take up so much time.


Another 6 years have elapsed.  My marriage is in ruins.  My husband left.  I don’t understand.  This is all I’ve ever wanted.  What did I do?  How did this happen?


July 28, 2006 I am marrying the man of my dreams.  Actually, he is the one I dated for 6 years through junior high, high school and part of college.  Then I dumped him.  I was bored and thought he didn’t love me.  The truth is, he never stopped loving me.  He was the one I went swimming with and played tennis with all those years ago.  He understands me like my ex-husband never did.  He is the love of my life and we will weather any storm.  We know that marriage is hard work, but he waited from 1989 until now for me.  Not that he didn’t date, but he’s only loved me.  Me! Sometimes things are better the second time around.  We hope to get pregnant as soon as possible because I’m not getting any younger.  I’m 36.  I’m a beautiful bride, even if I say so myself.


April 27,2007 Baby boy is born.  Well it certainly didn’t take us long to get pregnant.  The boy was a honey moon boy.  What a perfect, 8#, 20 inch long baby boy.  His lips are like rose buds.  He’s perfect and looks like his daddy.  I’ve never been happier and I am so happy to say that my family is finally complete.


This summer will be our 10th anniversary and I grow more in love with my husband everyday.  I can’t tell you that I wish the divorce didn’t happen, but my first marriage was not the fit that this one is.  We fit each other like a pair of old well worn kid gloves.  My husband makes me very happy and we understand each other.  It’s also so nice to have him to reminisce with about the good old days.  The day he got so mad at this brat of a kid that he dumped water on him at the tennis courts and chased him all the way to the pool where he promptly got kicked out.  He was defending his brother and myself.  Always my knight in shining armor.  My hero.  Sometimes he remembers my stories, other times he doesn’t, but he always listens to them anyway.  I thank God for this man every day and for the family I’ve been given.

Growing up is great when you’re young, but you’re always in such a rush to grow up.  Such a shame knowing what I know now.  I wish I hadn’t always wanted to be the most independent woman that I have become.  Just another reason to love Hubs I guess.  He lets me rely on him, a lot!


 


This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post with your host, Kristi from www.findingninee.com

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Finally Quote Day 2

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I’m finally home from the hospital and freed from all the annoying tubes and wires.  This means it’s blogging time!  I’ve missed blogging so much.  It also means, I can get back to my second day of quotes, more importantly, Outlander quotes.  I said regarding the first quote how deeply Claire and Jamie loved each other.  If this quote from Jamie doesn’t seal that idea into your head, I don’t know what will.  I don’t want you to think that this series is just some sloppy love story though.  It is anything but what you would expect  My husband has laughed when I’ve read pieces from these books because Diana Gabaldon is the wittiest and most imaginative author I have ever had the grace to read.  If you haven’t already, I absolutely suggest reading her work or at least watching the series on Starz.  It is also done very well.

Now, for today’s nominees… duh, duh, duuuuh!

  1. https://monicavel.wordpress.com/   a wonderful motivational blogger with great advice!
  2. https://winewankers.com/  The best wine blog ever! Man, I’m looking forward to a good glass when I’m no longer on my pain meds!
  3. https://musicteacherlifestyle.wordpress.com/ Be inspired by a music teacher’s lifestyle

That’s it for today’s quote.  Check back again tomorrow for another Ourlander quote and 3 more nominees.  If  you choose to play along that’s great!  We’d love to have you long for the fun.  If you choose not to, just let me know.  I won’t be offended.

Love and peace to you all,

Deirdre x0

A Quote a Day Keeps the Love Here

I’ve been nominated for the I SING THE BODY ELECTRIC challenge today by the one and only lizalizaskysaregrey. I’d like to thank her most profusely and hope that I am up to the challenge as I love quotes, but I’m off to surgery in the morning.  I will try to post my quote for tomorrow before they wheel me off!  Hopefully I won’t be too out of sorts on Saturday to post as well.  Thank you Liza so very much for thinking of me.  I’ve selected a quote from my favorite series and nominated some great bloggers to participate in this cool idea!  Keep this rolling.  It will grow and It will expose us all to more of each other’s blog posts as well.  Let’s grow together!

Two of my favorite literary characters are Jamie and Claire Fraser.  Their love is a true and pure love, although it didn’t start out that way.  I won’t spoil anything by reviewing this series, which is by and large my absolutely favorite, because I would simply give away too many spoilers.  I have read and reread the entire series so many times.  I watch the series on Starz as well and I will tell you that it is excellently cast and so well done.

I chose this quote to be my first quote of my 3 day challenge of quotes because it epitomizes the truest of loves.  I feel this for my husband.  Well, when I’m not being a terribly wretched human who is ungrateful for the wonderful things he does for me.  Yes, I have so acted this way towards him.  I hate when I do that, too!  I love him with my whole heart.  I wouldn’t be the person I am without him.  When you hear the cheesy phrase, “he completes me”, they are referring to my Hubs and I.  No, seriously.

We keep each other in check.  It doesn’t mean we always get along.  In fact, quite the contrary.  We often do disagree and I am the over-the-top extrovert, whereas he is the quiet introvert.  Somehow, we complete each other to make one whole person that makes sense.  We bounce ideas off each other and when I’m upset, and I’m often upset, he always, somehow magically, makes me feel better.

Rules of this challenge are as follows:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you.
  2. Post a quote for three consecutive days.
  3. Nominate three new bloggers each day.

Today I nominate:

  1. peacefrompanic.wordpress.com
  2. https://msnubutterflies.wordpress.com
  3. https://atribeuntangled.com/

The Lavender Dress

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She loved storms and this was a beautiful one in her eyes.  The sky was dark, so dark almost as dark as if it were night.  The brilliant flashes of lightning shattered the sky every few minutes and the thrashing rain pelted the windows as if they were going to break it at any second, an invader into her house, yet not so much.  Yes, this was a beautiful storm for sure.  Karri was hoping this one would last for a good long while so she could use it as an excuse not to meet him.  She really didn’t have any good reason not to meet Claude, other than she agreed to, one last time.

She continued getting herself ready.  She put on the short, lavender dress.  The one that went with her auburn hair so well.  People always gave her compliments and told her it brought out the color of her eyes when she wore it.  “What did they know?” she thought. She was in the mood to tell him off.  How dare he call her after not even calling her for over a week.  She had texted him everyday to see if everything was alright.  She hadn’t heard one word.  She was done.  She would tell him it was over. Karri wasn’t someone who put up with excuses.  She had done it before, but that was the old Karri.

Claude had gone to Syracuse to see his ailing mother, or so he said.  Why would he not text back, unless he chose not to. Well, Karri had decided after the 3rd or 4th day that it was really quite simple.  Claude was seeing an old girlfriend.  She knew who it was.  It had to be that one. The one who broke his heart years ago.  Cheryl or Carol.  Whatever her name was.  It really didn’t matter.  Whatever the excuse was, Karri wasn’t going to hear it.  Not this time.  She really didn’t care what he said.  All she could think was, “Oh no, not again.”  It was like that with her in relationships.  This one was just like Ricky.

Ricky had been her previous boyfriend, but he cheated on her several times.  When she found out, she broke it off and never looked back.  But she really thought Claude was different.  Claude was sophisticated.  He was more complex than Ricky.  Maybe she was wrong.  Maybe something more happened at home in Syracuse.  Maybe his mom was seriously sick.  Ricky was carefree and in a band.  He was no businessman like Claude.  Claude usually called every day.  She started to rethink things.  Maybe she was wrong about him.  He was a good man.  She really had no reason to believe that he had done anything wrong.

When the phone rang, her heart stopped.  She picked it up slowly.  “Hello?”

“Hi, Babe.” Claude sounded soft and rather sensual.  He did melt her heart when he spoke in that deep, soft voice.

“Hi!” Karri could hear herself sounding a little more excitable than she meant to. “How are you?  When did you get back?  Are you okay?  I haven’t heard from you in a week.  I’ve been so worried.”

“Babe, my mom…” he trailed away.  “She.. she’s dead.  She had a massive stroke and there was nothing that they could do.” She heard the anguish in his voice.  She knew she had been wrong, but felt so bad in how she had been so quick to judge.

“Oh my God! Honey, I’m so, so sorry. Is there anything…” Now it was her voice trailing off.  “Are you even back from Syracuse?”

“Babe, I need you.  I’m back, but I just came back to get a few things.  I have to fly out tomorrow again for the funeral and to get mom’s affairs in order.  It’s going to take some time.  I wanted to know…  Well, I wanted to know if you would come with me.  She would have loved you.  Like I do.  I just wish she could have met you.”

Karri sat down at her kitchen table trying to keep her emotions from getting the best of her.  She took a deep breath.  Her heart was doing a happy dance because she did really love Claude.  She hadn’t really realized it until this moment.  They had been seeing each other for 5 months and yet, she had such a difficult time embracing love and being in love much less the man of her dreams declaring his love for her.  Yet, he just did.  Was it the fact that his mother just died or that he truly did love her?  What should she say?

“Karri? Are you still there?”

“Yes, Claude, I’m here.  I’m just a bit overwhelmed.  You’ve just told me  your mom died and that you love me in the same breath.  I, I…”

“It’s okay, Karri. If this is too soon, or too much, I understand.”

“No, Claude, I do love you.  I love you so much! I want to be with you and I just feel guilty for thinking you were ignoring me over the last week.  I just thought maybe you didn’t want me, or maybe you had found someone else.  Now, I find out it’s all this.   Are you sure you want me?”

“Yes, Babe, I want you for the rest of my life.  When mom died, I realized that I love you more than I love the air that I breathe.  If I don’t have you by my side, I have no purpose.”

“When can I see you?”

“I’m right outside your door, Karri. Open the door.”

As she opened the door, she found Claude on one knee, red roses in one hand, 1 carat diamond ring in the other.  On his shirt, a sign saying “will you spend the rest of your life with me?”

“Yes, Yes! Oh my darling man, yes.”

This has been a fictional story created for The Blog Propellant which is awesomeness at it’s best!  My number that I have chosen at random is 27! I chose to  use all 3 prompts, because it’s so much fun!  I hope you enjoy this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it.  It took me about 25 minutes to write.  The hardest part was finding a picture to go with it!

 

Graduation Day

My sweet girl graduated from high school today. It’s bittersweet for me. I am so proud of her and will miss her so much next year. She’s ready though. She is so smart and so beautiful. I love her so very much. Congratulations to my beautiful Bear in her very special day. And to her boyfriend, Piano Man, who luckily is feeling better after a terrible viral illness that lasted over a week, the last of his high school career, leaving him bed bound and significantly skinnier. I love them both!

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A Long Time Ago

20141013_225029A long time ago and far, far away, there lived a beautiful young maiden with golden hair and blue eyes.  She was a lovely child but lonely as she had only an older brother as a companion and not many friends.  She loved music and played piano very well.  She immersed herself in her music which made her different from her family because they enjoyed sports more than music.

Her summers were spent at the pool and playing tennis where she made friends easily with another family where there were other children her age.  In this family, there was another maiden who became her best friend along with her younger brother.  The three played everyday in the pool and spent carefree afternoons together and inseparable.  The golden haired maiden even began spending the night at their home.  A lifetime friendship had been made.  Little did the maiden know that her life would change because of this friendship.

One day, the maiden noticed a raven haired stranger with hazel eyes and the longest eyelashes she had ever seen sitting alone next to the pool.  He had a plaster cast on his leg and crutches next to him.  The look on his face was that of dismay, for anyone could tell he wanted desperately to go into the water with the other children, but was unable to join due to the cast upon his leg.

The maiden could tell that this must be another sibling of her two friends, as they were 2 of 5 children.  She was informed that this was their next older brother, James.  She thought how handsome he was.  His hair was jet black and wavy.  His eyes were lively and alert, and those eyelashes framed those beautiful eyes.  His lips were like rosebuds. She had never been attracted to any boy before like this before.  She was young.  She had plenty of time.  She didn’t give it much thought after that.

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Time went by and the attractive boy eventually was able to join them in the pool.  He started to play with them off and on.  He didn’t always join them, but as time went on, he spent more and more time with the three friends.  When the maiden went to spend the night with her friend, the other maiden, she found herself spending more and more time with James as the years went on.

Eventually, James’ family moved to another kingdom far away.  The maiden was devastated.  By this time, she knew that she loved James and James knew he loved her too.  They continued to write and visit each other often.  They were officially seeing each other by this time.  Years had past since those days at the pool.  They had known each other since James was 12 and the maiden was 10.

Now, they were both in college and the maiden was 19 and James was 21.  Then suddenly, the maiden decided she had had enough. One day, the maiden decided that James no longer loved her because he wouldn’t hold her hand in public or hug her in front of people.  Looking back, that was silly, but hindsight is 20/20.

The maiden dated few others and eventually fell deeply and madly in love with another.  After 3 years, she married.  Another 3 years and a child was born.  13 years after saying “I do”, however, and her marriage was over.  She was devastated and alone with 3 little girls.

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She had always maintained her friendship with James.  It was easy to do because he was so easy to talk to and such a good person.  Their relationship was based on respect and love. There had never been sex to complicate things.  James had never married because the maiden was his one and only true love.

When out to lunch one day, the maiden asked James if he would consider dating her again.  He laughed and said he couldn’t believe she had to ask. They were married the next year and have been married ever since.  A beautiful, bouncing, baby boy was added to the family the year after they made their vows to each other.  This is their happily ever after.  Sometimes dreams do come true.


This is part of Finish the Sentence Friday.  The host is always Kristi at www. findingninee.com where you can find the other fabulous links to complete this week’s sentence, “A long time ago and far, far away…”

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Catching Flies with Honey

Again I am plagued with insomnia so I have been thinking about my day a d about my Mom.Mom always said you could catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Of course she was right, as usual. In today’s world, wouldn’t it be nice if more people used more honey I’m their speech and general views? I sure think so. This thought occurred to me as I listened to some of the people I was surrounded by today.

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I wish I could tell you they weren’t a jovial bunch, but I’d be lying. This group was very jovial to be sure, but their joy also had an underlying tone of something which I find distressing. They were very judgemental of others. This always makes me feel uncomfortable and put of sorts. It’s difficult to deal with at any lack of compassion for me. I’m a natural born people pleaser. I like everyone to get along and I like people to like me.

This being said, I don’t think I was the issue today. I found myself sticking up for the “little people’, the ones without a voice. I found that there were those who let the comments go like a duck ruffles the water off its back. Others fed into the negativity and then there was me. I said a few things that hopefully made them think a little differently, more positively.

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There is no winner in negativity, only losers. Why clutter the world with anything but love for our fellow human beings. We are not placed here to judge but are called to spread love and joy. If I don’t take that opportunity as I did today, I allow the negativity to take control and I haven’t lived the way my mother taught me to love? I choose love and joy. It can grow just as easily and spread like wild fire. So, today I challenge you, in the face of adversity to spread love and joy to others. See what happens in your own life.

I Want My Mom Again

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There is always just something we all want in our life.  We may want more time, more money, more energy.  Maybe you want another chance to do something over again so you could do it just a little differently.  I am no different from anyone else in this world and I’ve thought about this quite a bit over the last few days.  It’s a hard thing to determine sometimes because all those things are very relevant in today’s society.  I believe that everyone will agree that more hours in the day to get things done, more energy to get those things accomplished and more money to accomplish said things would be greatly useful.  But did you ever stop to really think , how would those things really improve your life? I think we would still be in the same predicament we are now because we would just find more things to fill up the time with, spend the money on and the extra energy would be depleted because of it.

croagh patrick with sheepBecause of this, I think if I had anything, I  would choose something specific.  If only I had another year with my mom.  I miss her so much.  I know that perhaps other people may ask why another year, why not just a day or why not 10 more years. Well, to be honest, I would be happy to have my mom for any length of time, but another year knowing that she could be completely healthy would give us enough time to spend each and every day together doing things together.  We could travel to Ireland to see family.  We could spend those days laughing and walking and chatting.  I could be writing all of her stories down and taking pictures of all the places she knew and know the places from her perspective.

We could travel to France.  Neither of us have ever been there.  I would love to go there with my mom and my middle daughter, who actually speaks French really well.  I know my older daughter would enjoy going with us too.  What a joy for us to spend a couple weeks in France, all of us girls, eating our way through the French countryside!

loveHow much fun it would be to spend a week with mom’s brother and his family in New York. They are fabulous and so much fun.  I haven’t seen them in so many years and I miss them tremendously.  My uncle is the last of mom’s siblings still living and the two of them were always thick as thieves.  So many stories mom had of how my uncle would even do her chores so she could study.  Never was there a better brother she told me.

We would travel where mom wanted to go, to places we’ve been and places she wanted to see.  It would be a great adventure.  When we weren’t on a magical adventure, we would have many cups of tea and ham sandwiches.  Mom would insist on cooking some of her killer awesome dinners and I know we would have to go out to eat at some really good restaurants, too!   No matter what my mom ate, and she could eat, she always maintained her stylish, slim, athletic figure, unlike me.

Even if we didn’t have all those adventures like I imagine we would, I know I would spend my time with her, especially knowing that I only had her for one last year before having to say goodbye, again.  I would try to gather as much knowledge from her as my tiny mind could possibly hold.  I would relish every single moment and treasure each touch of the hand, each hug.  I just really, really miss her.  The pain isn’t as bad as it was in the beginning, but it’s still there, always present, just not as raw as before.  So if I had one wish for anything in the world, I would tell you this…if only I had another year with my mom, I would treasure each moment and write every memory down and take so many pictures.  I would make each day count. Most of all, I would tell her I love her every day and hold her in my embrace just to remember her more.

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This has been written as part of Finish the Sentence Friday.  This week I am co-hosting with the ever fabulous, Kristi of http://www.FindingNinee.com fame! Please check out the other writers as they finish the sentence this week which is “If I only had…” Thanks for reading!

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Life Just Isn’t Fair Sometimes

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Dexter and Felix last week.

This week has been one of those weeks, which isn’t good since it’s only Monday.  The problem with this week is that it’s attached to last week.  Last week, we received the little blessings of 2 beautiful baby squirrels to rehabilitate since their mother was sick, fell out of her nest and then was eaten by a dog.  We lost Felix in the wee hours yesterday morning.  This morning, I was so frightened that we may lose Dexter as well.  I can’t lose another baby squirrel.  Oh, did I mention that we also lost the little hamster we had for 2 days? Yes, I’ve quite frankly had enough of death of small, cute, furry creatures for a while.

When I looked at my little Dexter, I saw him not moving around like he was yesterday. I saw him starting to scoot his front paws instead of actually using them to climb, like he was yesterday.  I was so frightened.  All I could do was cry.

My wonderful 14 year old, Katie, took over squirrel care for me and I took a break from the world for awhile.  She fed him and also found a site which explained exactly what was going on with our baby, Dexter!  It’s on Squirreltales.org and I am praying that I can help our baby make it through this awful disease now that I have the tools to do so.

What our baby seems to have is Metabolic Bone disease and it’s basically a calcium deficiency.  I’m reading everything I can now on how to help him. I’ve given him his first calcium supplement and pray that by morning I will see a difference.  I have to get some avocados though.  I can’t believe I’m out of them.  Me, of all people, out of avocados!   Apparently, if I hand feed my sweet little Dexter the calcium laden avocado, he’ll love it. I’m sure hoping so because the first thing I noticed was his appetite declining.

I managed to give him his dose mixed with some pedialyte tonight, and I will give him the remainder of it at the next feed since he’s not been too terribly interested in his normal foods and is just as happy to have his formula.  Hopefully the special biscuits will come tomorrow and will help him as well. Ah the things we do to rehab the wee ones.

I pray that Dexter will recover from this.  It is a very painful condition as it debilitates their tiny bodies.  If the answer is calcium, I can do that.  I would do anything to rehab this little guy.  He will be released into the wild if we can get him that far, but that is our job in all this.  We are simply a stone in the path of his tiny life to building his little fortress.  I’m just praying we can do it.  I can’t have my nearly nine year old and myself crying to bits yet again!  We haven’t even gotten over Felix yet.