I wish I could tell you I was in a great place right now. I wish I could say that I was in my usual happy place, but I just really can’t get there tonight. I’m preparing for my surgery tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is the day I will have part of my pancreas and all of my spleen removed thanks to my nemesis, the pancreatic cyst with atypical cells. Bloody stupid cyst.
My husband, being the fabulous man that he is, is trying his best to put the smile back on my face. He’s doing a good job, but in the back of my mind, I am anticipating the surgery. How do you really get something that big out of your head? Well, the answer is, you don’t.
My husband’s purpose tonight and always, seems to be to take my mind off something or another. Tonight, however, it is all about the surgery. What is he doing? He and I are watching and listening to stand up comics. The good ones! You know the ones that actually can tell a joke without the use of foul language and crassness? Right now, it’s Ellen DeGeneres. I adore Ellen. She is so awesome. Her topic for this one is procrastination. Hilarious and not one bit of foul language. My 9 year old could watch it.
What is the purpose of all this? Don’t we ask ourselves that one all the time! For me, my purpose is to keep calm and to get ready. For Hubs, it’s to keep me calm and happy while helping me get everything ready. For the kids? Well, their purpose is to stay happy and carry on. We all have a purpose in this world. Right now, this is my purpose and my family’s purpose.
As I sit here eating gummy bears and reading some great blogs, I am reminded that it is truly wonderful to be alive. Not only am I blessed to have a computer to read all these wonderful blogs, but I have the opportunity to like and comment on so many as well! If I haven’t gotten to yours yet, don’t worry, I have a lot to get to yet. I’m getting through them and it’s been a long, long day! It’s been a day of gratefulness though.
I went to see the lovely Dr. Choppra today about my pancreas. What a great man he is. He instantly put me at ease and said he is very doubtful that this cystic area is cancer. I could have kissed him for that but opted not to. I’m sure he would be glad for that if he was aware of it! He set me up for an endoscopy with endoscopic ultrasound and biopsy for next Tuesday. He doesn’t waste time. Thank God for that man. Finally getting somewhere and not standing still. Wow, does that feel good.
Dr. Choppra also said that I will more than likely have to have that area of my pancreas removed regardless of what the biopsy shows because it’s causing me pain. I like that man more and more. Let’s get rid of this bad thing! No, I’m not a fan of abdominal surgery. I’ve in fact, had more than my share and my belly shows the scars. I’ve had 4 c/sections and 2 umbilical hernia repairs as well as a hysterectomy. Yes, I have a very unattractive tummy, but bring it on! I want this bad boy out so I can get on with living my life! I don’t do patient very well.
I also got my grubby little paws on my notes from Florida. Apparently, there is another mass area on my liver. It looks like a hemangioma which is like a mass of blood vessels all rolled together. Don’t know what that’s all about but that is going to have to wait until we get problem number one taken care of. Dr. Choppra said so and I completely concur.
So, in light of all this crazy news, I’m elated! Dr. Choppra doesn’t think I have cancer and said he would be very, very surprised if it was based on the fact that it is cystic in nature. I have a date with him to put nasty tubes down my throat and slice a bit of said cyst thingy out to test it. I still have the best husband in the world who got me taco salad tonight for dinner, even though I couldn’t eat very much of it. And to top it all off, I got to go to my son’s hockey game tonight where he made a goal on the goalie who just covered the net, like completely covered the net with his entire body. My boy was the only one who made a goal on our side! Yay Liam!!!! Overall, great freaking day!
Now it’s time to go back to reading some more blogs and making likes and comments. I hope to actually get some sleep tonight for a change though. Mornings just come too soon! Pleasant dreams everyone!