A Kinder Sort of World

th.jpgAt work today, I was met first with a challenge.  I went to the department I was to be in for the day.  No problem there.  I was met by 2 of the department’s nurses, neither of whom was the one which I was scheduled to train with, but both were willing to help me.  What a great feeling, a feeling of being wanted.  I was delighted to be welcomed with such warmth by these two nurses and this didn’t stop there.

I went to lunch on my own.  I like to do this most days because I like to blog or read some of your great posts, but today, I had to charge my rapidly dying phone.  For some reason, my phone was losing it’s charge at an exponential rate of maybe, say, light speed.  I have no idea why this was happening, but it was.  I was waiting for one particular phone call and as my phone was already down to 23% when I left for lunch, I thought giving it my lunch hour just might help.  It did, a little bit.  So much for reading and blogging though.

When I got back from lunch, however, I got to meet the person I planned on meeting initially, this morning.  We shall call her Tessa.  She reminds me of a Tessa.  She is absolutely one of the most helpful human beings I have ever met.  At first, I observed her, like I always begin my training, but then, I asked if I could try something to be helpful.  She let me!  She actually let me work on some of the tasks and the morning nurse let me room patients all by my little lonesome.  I’m on cloud nine right now.  I actually feel less like a complete and utter burden and more like a slightly mostly insignificantly helpful human!  Yes, I did stuff, people!  Me, I did stuff, today!  I wasn’t completely worthless at work!

Even the physicians are awesome in this group.  They are kind and patient.  I apologized immediately for anything that I may get wrong today or in the future as well as for asking a billion questions, but I’m a float nurse.  I have to know how everyone works.  That’s the beauty of what I do.  I am a nomad in the clinic setting.  I take my bag of important information that I acquire with me from day to day, office to office.  I carry it everywhere.  I’m portable and so are my skills.

I will get this job to work well for me, just as I will find my niche in working this job.  So far, I absolutely love it.  I haven’t been this happy in a job for a very long time.  I still can’t believe that it took me so long to make this decision to move here from home health, but I thank God daily for leading me on this new journey.  With such kind people surrounding me, my world is a kinder sort of place.

Revolution of Kindness – My Week 2

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My week this week seemed both long and short, all at the same time.  It was long due to not feeling well, thanks to Mr. Pancreatic Cyst which will soon be a thing of my past, as well as computer training class for work.   I love messing around with technology for the most part.  Okay, the fact of the matter is really that I used to love computers and all things technology, but that was a time when I had more patience than I seem to have these days.  It’s not that I didn’t enjoy my computer class, I enjoyed the people in my computer class and the trainers very much.  They made it bearable.  My problem was simply that I am no longer as quick at learning new things.  I used to pick up technology so quickly.  Now, trying to just get my eyes to re-accommodate from the computer screen in front of me to the one projected at the front of class is tough.

Lucky for me, the trainers were there to help every step of the way.  Each time I said, “where is that?” or “I can’t see how you got there”, there was a trainer by my side.  I even told the one trainer, Kim, that she should simply pull up a chair because I was going to need a lot of her expertise and she looked uncomfortable squatting down next to me.  What kindness she showed, and all the trainers, for that matter.  Their kindness to help those of us, me in particular, to “get it” with the 2 computer systems we use on a daily basis.  I could spend some time just getting tutored I think!  I’m a special kind of student these days!

Showing kindness is something we don’t always see.  When looking for kindness, I also saw unkindness, but tried to sort of unsee it.  One place I saw kindness was in my daughter this week.  I have seen this before in my kids but I have to point this out because it happened this particular week.  My second daughter, Bear, the one who graduated high school today, was very kind to me and to our family this week by doing that which she loves to do already.  She cooked dinner for us a few times which was, as usual, delicious.  As a surprise, one night, she also made us brownies.  She has always been thoughtful.  Last Sunday, she had a baking day so she could bake some goodies for her teachers.  She made mention that she is, by nature, a caregiver.  She is absolutely that, a nurturer. She gave me unbidden hugs, just because.  She made this a much better week.

Now we begin week three. We are asked to begin another journey in our Kindness Revolution.  Check out what’s happening on Niki’s awesome blog!  https://therichnessofasimplelife.wordpress.com/2016/05/23/kindness-challenge-week-3-kind-energy/.  It’s truly a wonderful journey for me so far.  This week is going to be very challenging.  I can be very kind, but also very selfish.  I can be loud and sometimes, I don’t see things as I should.  I’m human.  I will always be human, but I am trying so hard to be a better human.  Come join us in our Revolution of Kindness.  It’s truly inspiring!


If We Were Having Coffee

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If we were having our weekend coffee today, I’d tell you this has been an eventful week! I had my meeting with my surgeon regarding my pancreatic cyst.  I finally got the results from my biopsy that was taken on April 19th!  Yes, almost a month later!  Can you believe it took that long?  Me either!  The initial results took only a week and they wanted to do more testing.  They called and told me I had many atypical cells which means my cyst was precancerous.  The best means to take care of this is to surgically remove it.  It’s a big cyst.  I’m ready.  Bring it on!

My week was also filled with working with wonderful people in another department of my new place of employment.  As many of you know, I’m a nurse and this past week was nurse’s week.  As this department is very generous, we were fed all week!  This was not so good for my diet, but my belly was kept full and let me tell you, it was very tasty! We had pasta, salad, fruit, baked potatoes,  cookies, doughnuts, sandwiches, breakfast sandwiches, cinnamon rolls, and more!  These people know how to feed their employees well!

I would tell you that it was my son’s last hockey game of this session and my daughter’s last high school Spring Show.  It’s hard knowing that next year, I’ll only have 2 children at home, but also kind of exciting at the same time.  I love knowing that my 2 oldest girls will be pursuing their dreams in college.  Knowing that I have 2 birds that have flown the coop and 2 that are still in the nest is a comforting thought.  I must be doing something right.  I’m proud of my 2 oldest girls.

For now, let’s just sit back and enjoy our Colombian blend coffee with our Creme Brulee creamer.  It’s delicious.  I’ve eaten so much.  I’ll stick to my small omelet for breakfast.  What will you have?


If We Were Having Coffee

happy-nurseIf we were having coffee, I would tell you how much I love our coffee weekends.  I know I’m new to this, but I’ve been looking forward to this all week. It’s been a busy week. I would tell you that I’m glad I made the change from my other job.  This job will eventually become my home just as my last job was.  It’s always hard to leave home, even when you know it’s for the best.  I will always treasure my memories and my friendships that I made there.  I was there for a long time.  It’s hard to say goodbye, but luckily, I keep in touch with my friends.  My new job is completely different from my old job.  I’m refreshed when I think about it.  I don’t dread going to work, not that I did with my old job, but I knew I would be completely drained by the end of the day, devoid of any energy to do or be anything more than a blob of mush in my bed.  Once I have learned how to do my new job properly, I think, think, mind you, that I will actually still have the energy at the end of the day to be a wife and mother.  I know I’ll be home by 5:20pm everyday and not some unknown time.  That gives me peace of mind.  It also pleases my husband and my children. I am refreshed and renewed.  Who knew?  And to think I put this off for so long!

wp-1461835552717.jpegIf we were having that coffee that we so enjoy, I’d tell you that I have a newly nine year old boy this week!  Yep, the Boy turned nine on Wednesday. He was thrilled with his new hockey gear and even got some early, just by a day, so he could use it for Tuesday’s night’s game.  He even received new blue laces for his skates.  Now, even in his uniform, I can pick him out by his skate laces and his stick.  We had to do some spiffy taping on the stick to make it “cool”.  Sure, he received some clothes which he actually was very excited about.  Yes, he’s an odd boy who likes clothes. He practiced gratitude which pleased me tremendously!  I didn’t even have to remind him to be grateful.  He even got new boxers as a present because he has decided that the briefs are annoying and he’d rather just go without than wear them. Lord help me, please! Since receiving the boxers, however, he’s thrilled to bits and no complaints in the undergarment department!

wp-1461887341942.jpegI would give you the latest update on our little squirrel friend, Dexter.  He is thriving!  Dexter is still not weaned.  Typical baby boy, just like my human boy, wanting to hold on to “mama” as long as he can, I suppose.  He now sucks down anywhere from 10-20ml of squirrel formula at a time several times a day.  Usually, he takes about 15 ml. He’s a good little squirrel but he does poop a lot, especially if he’s sitting on your shoulder.  Luckily it’s very tiny and solid and easy to pick up.  He is still on his calcium supplement for his calcium deficiency, but we have been able to lower the dose.  He loves to climb, skitter around his cage and jump from person to person.  He’s tried climbing up my curtains, but we caught him and that was the end of that.  Soon, we will hopefully be able to release him.  It will be difficult to say goodbye, but I have a feeling we will be seeing him a lot in our yard, especially looking for his squirrel biscuits.


New Job, New Worries

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I arrived at work this morning for a class that I was supposed to go to from 8am to 11am only to find out that I was, indeed, an hour early and actually started at 9am.  Today, was day three of my new job.  It’s been an interesting week so far.  Me being me, of course, have my worries about it, but Hubs tells me that I’m fine and “not to worry.  It’s only been 3 days, for God’s sake.” He also says that, of course I’ll fit in, not to worry because I’m a great nurse with 20 years experience.  My problem? I worry and fret anyway.

Starting a new job is tough.  Meeting new people and having to make new connections with new people, much tougher for most people.  I’m one of those people.  I’m always worried about how I come across to people when they first meet me.  Do I look like I know what I’m doing or do I look like an airhead?  Do I sound like the intelligent person that I know lives inside me or do I sound like an idiot?  Ah, there is only one chance to make that first impression.  Therein lies the problem.  Many first impressions are not the ones that I’d like to remember, but then again, I’m the eternal optimist, except where it comes to myself.  I tend to think the worst about how I come across to others.


I really think I must try too hard, but I suppose it’s just the nerves of the situation that gets me.  I know I’m a nervous talker.  I like to know about people and inevitably, I have this strange tendency to tell people too much about myself and my family.  I’ve gotten a lot better, but I am ever a work in progress.  I always try to find something in each person that I can relate to.  Sometimes, it’s just too darn hard because they just won’t talk to me.  That’s when you want to throw your hands up and say, “Seriously, I bathed today?  What is it about me that you don’t like?”  You know when you get that feeling like you just don’t jive with that other person?  Sometimes you feel like you did, but in reality you were wrong and they were just putting up a facade.

That may have happened to me this past week, but I suppose I may never know.  Some people are nice to your face but may talk behind your back.  That is always my biggest fear.  I’m just not one that does that.  I’m just a worrier and I worry too much about things I have no control over.  I will always try to put my best foot forward and I will always have that smile upon my face.  Afterall, a smile takes less muscles than a frown and you never know what is going on in someone else’s life.

I hope that the people at my new job like me.  I do like it there very much so far and I will work hard, once I have a clue what I’m doing.  Next week, more classes!  Yeah! That will help.  Then I might actually be useful someplace! Until then, smile on and make friends.






And They Think They Will Retain Employees…

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In recent months, I’ve come to realize a few things that I had only thought may be true, but now I know that they are indeed very true.  It seems this country, that was built on great values for hard work, has simply tossed that aside in lieu of the motto “everyone is expendable”.  What a great reason to get up in the morning and head off to work, right?  I know that certainly is going to motivate me, NOT!

It doesn’t seem to matter how many years you give to your employer either.  You can be there, body and soul, for 25 years or just be a new hire with no experience.  You can and will be replaced on a whim.  It all depends on the large corporate circumstances, company needs or just simply for whatever reason suits them, I suppose. Maybe you really were never liked and it’s a way to get rid of you.  Maybe they want fresh employees who don’t remember how things “used to be”. Whatever the reason, you are being replaced.  No help is given to help you locate some other way of supporting your family other than, good luck or “you can look at our website to see if there’s a position you’d like to apply for”.  That doesn’t help you take care of your family right now.  You know, the ones who rely on you to eat!

In my case, I have been off for several months for an extended illness.  My family medical leave protected me for 12 weeks, but not any longer than that.  I have had great anxiety about returning to my place of employment due to it’s rigorous schedule and daily stressors on both myself and on my family.  A month after my 12 weeks was up, I got a phone call on a Friday at 4:15pm from my immediate supervisor saying “we’re going to have to post your job.  You’ve been off for a long time and you mentioned coming back with less hours when you do come back. What the hell am I supposed to say?  Yippee?  I’m so glad your posting my job?  I didn’t have much of a reaction.  In fact, I informed her that yes, I would be wanting less hours.  I was floored by her next statement.  “Well, you tell me when you plan on returning so I can post a position for you to apply for.” Was this meant to make up for the fact that I now had no damn job or home in my now former office?

To make matters worse, she continued to talk about how I needed to turn in equipment and “we” needed to make sure everything was in order.  Of course it was in order.  It was that way months ago when I left.  I am not the sort of employee who leaves my work just hanging there for someone else to finish.  Was I supposed to remember this?  Apparently I was.  I didn’t.  All I heard was the fact that my job of 10 years was being posted and I had to “apply” for some position that she hadn’t even created yet.  There are others who never had to go through this in our office.  Why me?

Well, to someone with anxiety and depression, but who does a great job, this is not helpful.  I know that this is only my story and there are many others who go through the same thing.  I know my supervisor has a job to do, and I used to have one too.  I have always had great evaluations and great communication with the people I meet and see everyday.  Something has changed and it’s not good.  I know this is happening all over which is why I’m writing this.  What happened to helping each other?  For me, I will have to sort of, kind of jump through hoops just to get less hours in a newly created position back in my old office.  Confused?  Yea, me too. I have to apply for something I already know and to do what I already do, just less of it.  What the hell kind of bureaucracy is that?  How is that making good use of anyone’s time?  It certainly seems like a waste of resources to me, but that’s just little old, “I have no job”, “sorry for being sick too long” me.  Something needs to be fixed and soon.  No one should be penalized for having depression.  No one should lose their job for being ill for some extended period of time.

Depression is not something I asked for.  In fact, if you met me on the street, you would never, ever guess I suffered from depression.  I do.  Lots of people do.  Look around you and I bet that you have no idea just how many people you see are suffering in silence right now.  You can’t see depression but it’s there.  And you know what?  It sucks.  Having this on top of it?  Well, let’s just tell say it isn’t doing anything to help my depression or anxiety.